The moon was beginning to rise in the horizon and the red honda civic rolled slowly up to the bungalow on Oak street, '21, 23, 25 BINGO', said the occupant.
'I think i'll pop in for a little chat' said the man in the mirror, since there was no one else in the car, you could be forgiven for thinking he was declaring his intentions to the universe, our new friend was riding solo and commando too, if truth be told? Nothing out of the norm for him anyways, the only thing strange at first, seemed the black and navy sock that were displayed ini the subtle moonlight upon exiting the vehicle.
Not that Mr Magoo cared as he wagged his tail as if to greet the wafting aroma that greeted his nostrils, if its even possible that felines have such a feature remains to be seen, all we do know it was highly tuned and it locked into the aroma like a heat seeking missile guidance system, target approaching...
Something smelled fishy alright, all that could be said is this feline was living very much in this moment, Mr Magoo was all the colors of the rainbow, it's a common belief that all cats at night are grey, and if he wasn't grey, some one should tap him on the shoulder and tell him, and the sooner the better!
Caruso fixed his tie, flicked his hair to the side and licked his lips, lunch was playing on his mind, over and over, 'one of the best yet', he said to himself, 'you get fish, you get chili and balm, magical', if truth be told, this is what he imagined that went on behind the scenes, the engine room of the restaurant, if you will, after all, all he did to order the dish was point at picture in the menu while saying 'Gimmie eating', so really people, how was he to know?
His thoughts played over and over in his mind from the Vietnamese restaurant, he mused what it must be like to work in a restaurant and chop carrots in Chinese, and to see chef's face as he would say, 'Yerra hells biscuits, you chopped these carrots in English', but in Chinese, not sure if i'd be cut out for a life of go go go, as he watched the lady serve the people next to him out of the corner of his eye, it was like his brain was a broken Carousel, round and round, his thoughts would go, when they would stop, no one knew, not that it mattered anyways, i guess science just wasn't that advanced?
Not yet anyways, and least of all Doctor T, Herr Doctor T as he was known, a local man of scientific merit, even thought the only scientific contribution he made to society was cooking up meth, it wasn't the amount of meth that he cooked up, it was the amount he didn't cook up, as he reasoned with his god one night, practically ensuring a place in heaven, well so much for logic?
Not that he was a real doctor, but he sure could get hold of meds that could make your mind go bang and before you knew it, you were having conversations god, Jesus was making cup's of tea and it was like 'Would you like another scone Caruso'?
How you you say no, it was Jesus and the scones and cream? Oh it was all to die for!!
Dr T got a mohawk hair cut once twenty years previous, but once was enough, when nick names were being allocated, and the name kind of stuck, so too did the doctor, which he didn't mind in the slightest, he always felt that it gave him an edge over the average Joe, and that couldn't be a bad thing?
Not that any of this mattered to the owner of the tail that was swinging on the gate, swish left, swish right, left side of his head nodded, as if in agreement to the unexpected presence, that was approaching the door, things were beginning to get interesting, the night was yet a kitten, and this character was gaining more and more attention as this feline universe was expanding.
Fish bait was pressed in to the cheap suit like a cheap 'Meow number 9' aftershave on the drive over, none of that mattered now as Caruso strolled briskly up to the door, checking the number 25, 'Yep', he said to himself as he began to rap on the door, 'Feeling like a million $', he chuckled to his distorted face on the brass reflection
Knock, knock
After a time came a quiet, 'Who's there?' responded, 'Car-U-so' came the retort on the outside of the door, 'a modern day Jesus Christ you might say, I have been sometimes been led to believe, and i'll believe anything, if you tell me it's fabulous', he said talking directly at the brass lion that adorned the exterior of the entrance as if a Christian Gladiator might eye a ferocious lion, back in ancient Rome, nerves of steel and ready for anything
Up until now, the strangest person to knock on this door was a bible sales man, with long hair and red eyes, like Lucifer himself! Nothing out of the ordinary there, until now and life on Oak st was about to change.
The door swung inwards to reveal one of the occupants, a lady in her sixties, wearing a blue flower print dress, and the remnant make up applied for the mid morning stroll with Mr Smith, the Labrador housemate peeked from a far to monitor the situation, you can never be sure if your a dog, and now the situation had pricked his canine attention, he was all ears, eyes too!
Hello said Caruso, and displayed his newly whitened teeth, since he had been applying fake tan, Caruso had it on good authority that teeth whiting would make him look younger, he was willing to try anything not to look 35, what happened to 25? Where did those days go, a rock star lifestyle of ten years had him at 6's and 7's about his age, the numbers didn't add up in his brain, everybody was married or dying for gods sake!
Only yesterday he said, 'Jesus, there must be a mistake', to the person displayed on his drivers license, 'I'll have to ask him next time i got round for tea', he muttered as he used the card to cut the cheese for his sandwiches.
Using a knife to cut the fetta cheese would have been a good idea, buying a knife a better idea, the drivers license worked, believe it or not the tough bit was looking at the date of birth, it was enough to choke him with tears.
He got the idea for cutting cheese this way from a comedy he saw once, '... and if it's not broke' and laughed to himself as the 4th slice was meticulously removed, sans gêne, with an air of pride.
Shopping for knives and suits or anything, wasn't looking like a likely possibility when Caruso was thrown into a world of negations, like the one to be proposed here as his blue eyes met their target, a pair of green eyes.
A smell of old people greeted Caruso as he said, 'Hello, my name is Caruso J Sundance', i'm representing my client who is currently overseas, he is interested in purchasing your charming abode.
'Why, there seems to be a mistake, it's not for sale'', Came the reply from Edith Robinson, 'No mistake at all, my client has asked me to negotiate for him the sale of this house, the terms are most agreeable, can i come in to discuss them with you?'
'I'm sorry', came the reply, 'it's nice of your client, who ever he may be, but my home is not for sale. I've been very comfortable here in my home for some years now and I'm too old to move now'
There is no teacher like ones own experience, and of course when the student is ready the teacher appears, it was now or never if Caruso was to make an impression and get this Edith's interest before he faced a lion again, with a look of a defeated Christian about to be devoured by his faltering ego.
'Mrs Robinson, Edith, if i may call you that' interjected Caruso, 'your property is worth about 500k, at the current market rates, my client would like to make you a very generous offer, an offer i think you should listen to...' pausing, trying his best to look sincere, half expecting a door slammed in his face
'I couldn't possibly sell my home to you or anybody else', and as the door was beginning to close Caruso stammered, 'I can offer you 1 million for your house, right there, right now, but there is only condition Mrs Robinson, you have to agree in the next 10 minutes, my client would like all the contents, the bill's, rust, leaky taps, the dog in there, even that old cat', he indicated with his thumb pointing towards his shoulder as he pivoted to view, 'with the crooked head, perched on the gate', as he turned to give Mr Magoo a smile
Of course Caruso wanted to add, 'Does he think he's a bird or something', but this was the new Caruso and the time was now and this was show time, there was no time for playing here, the commission for this one would be more than he could every possibly make in a year, as he searched those wise eyes for a glimmer of interest to his proposition.
'So, what are you doing in the next 10 minutes?', as the lady gave him a puzzled look, not sure if this was a hoax or an offer of a lifetime
Why, that's more money than i have made in my life, why would...?
'Sorry, i cant answer questions', interrupted Caruso, 'it's a straight deal, private owner, i believe he used to live in the neighborhood, many moons ago, he has fond memories of this house, it was long before you lived here, of course, the only catch is...you have to walk out tomorrow at 3pm, everything stays inside and you get a million dollars...and you have 10 minutes to think about it.'
Now that Caruso had the attention of the puzzled lady, his eyes shifted to Mr Smith, the dog that presided over the proposition as all three pairs of eyes, four counting Mr Magoo searched for deeper understanding on how to proceed
After a few moments the frail grip on the door handle loosened and the words, 'I think you'd better come in', were like music to the ears of the prospective property scout, eagerly seeking to close his first deal of day, and more specifically of his life
And like the parting of the sea for Moses, the lion on the door retreated further as Caruso advanced bravely with his briefcase of cheese sandwiches and a book entitled 'Selling real estate', bookmarked on 'Closing the sale', it was a term he had just learnt that day and he was feeling more and more confident that his luck was about to change and maybe this real estate wasn't such a bad business to be in, after all?
