Now people, i ask you, just how is it possible to fall asleep on your couch only to wake up somewhere else, this was the message his brain was having difficulty in processing, 2 seconds after his right eye was declared 'Open for business'
Now as his second eye opened a little earlier than normal, as if it couldn't wait any longer to verify the sighting of a beautiful woman. Two independent eyes, too early in the morning. The right eye came back to the painting on the ceiling up above on his head, a naked body, before long realizing it was a naked male, as Woody Allen would say, 'I dont understand why people aren't bisexual, it doubles your chances of a date on a Friday night'
'Nice', he dared and not really caring who heard, bringing his vision into focus of the stunning woman sitting on the wooden rocking chair, silently rocking back and forth
'Nice of you to visit Mr Sundance' came a familiar voice, nice is right thought Caruso, i'm back in heaven as he began to sit up in bed and give the countess his full attention and she him.
By this stage, Caruso had a fair idea of where he was, but it was a sequence of events that made no sense whatsoever, if you have all the right answers, maybe your asking the wrong questions, he wouldn't think of any questions right now, after all he was beginning to forget just who the hell he was
He decided to just go with the flow, 'just be cool', he reminded himself, hang out for a while with Maria, be her friend he counciled and before long he'd be making a cheese sandwich back on Oak st, with a knife. He might even mow the lawn at some stage he contemplated, a properly maintained garden is crucial in selling your home as two pairs of eyes became entwined as both pairs tracked each others movements, correcting for the rocking motion of the princess, not for a moment not leaving each other's gaze.
Well, it sounded like a plan, so far so good, on the Normandy invasion it was said, 'The planning was everything and the plan was nothing', he wasn't too sure who said it either, which was unusual, not much could go wrong here as Caruso hopped out of bed to take in the scenery as he spoke, '2nd largest city in Hungary, best known for its castle, thermal baths, historic buildings it is known for its repelling of the Turkish attack in 1552 during the Siege of Eger located North East of Budapest, breaking his stride to gaze at the painting with a horse on two legs with some angry army guy, on a killing frenzy, 'best of luck to you buddy' he shook his head in amazement as he continued to stroll over to the window to gather more clues from the morning scene
'Summer time', he rejoiced breathing deeply as if sucking the air through the window panes, it certainly did feel good to do it, maybe thats why he did it? That's what it seemed like anyways as he peered out the window and gave a little yoga stretch to greet the morning, pausing to give himself a scratch on a testicle, always the same one although if you asked him he wouldn't have realized he did that at all, in fact he'd probably just laugh at you like you told him the best joke in years and walk away with tears coming down his cheeks form the laughter, howling, 'You gotta be kiddin man!'
It was a scratch in one of those places that some people would rather omit from a story, but dear reader it may be important, the scratch, the location, the method, it could be the vital clue to bind this tale together neatly, how could i not be truthful in every aspect but everything seemed real to Caruso and why not make that real to you too as he turned to gaze at her body as she rocked back and forth.
One of the defense survival techniques in Africa for young animals is to not move, you see predators can only recognize tasty things they might like to snack on, when they are moving, when not moving, that lion will walk on by them and not kill them, and why would he? When an animal is still, it's just about as tasty as a tree, but if you run away to hide little animal, 'Balm, your dead, it's game over for you' and now his predator not just Pizza senses were primed and ready to party as her tender body moved forwards and backwards, as if beckoning him to her side, which in no time at all he was as he began gazing into her eyes, as if to read her life story from the imprint of her DNA, buried in the depths of her soul, it was a language he wanted to master, to communicate as he began.
'So, where is the count?', 'Down to business' came the reply, 'I mean, you can only be a countess if you marry a count', 'Oh, he's never here' came the reply as Caruso leapt to his feet and beckoned Maria to cease the rocking and give him a little art tour of the room, the bed room had more art than his local art gallery for gods sake.
There were some clothes in the closet he tried on, which were about the correct size as Caruso gazed himself in a mirror, 'quite the gentleman' he complimented his reflection
as the art tour was extended to furniture, architecture, style, in fact everything looked old, but was still quite stylish, which seemed a bit strange as his eyes absorbed the scenes, as if by osmosis, her causal relaxed attitude was infectious as quite unexpectedly he too became quite relaxed and interested in what she was saying, it didn't matter what she said, he treated all he words like gold, it was 10 times worse and yet better, than if he just wanted to get into her pants, which was a bit strange?
But not that strange, here was a fellow that used to argue or debate (which ever way you look at it) with the chickens, he may of been their benefactor, but that's not to say they didn't suffer, well they would have suffered if they understood as he would make some important point in relation in so far as the economy to a cornered rooster, an animal that knew enough to stay well away from the human, after a while you begin to learn, chickens do too, his rhetoric found its correct audience and they learned to run and not hang around
Stepping out to a beautiful manicured gardens, the first thing that came to mind was, 'There's not a single vegetable, fruit or chicken in the whole place', now this was something new, it's like the people here knew that the garden was full of things that couldn't be eaten and that was just a-Ok as the tour entered the gardens as they admired the views, lawns. flowers, it was summer after all, a dream come true.
During the walk, a promise was made to instruct Caruso in the ways of ball room dancing, he was quietly gaining confidence and rapidly as the knowledge began to find roots in his cranium, not this was exciting, it was like, before there was no room for anything to be stored in hie brain, but now, he could remember more and more, nothing new had changed, he was told lots of things before but it was like he didn't understand any of it and hey presto along comes a Countess and he's got the database in his brain working, 'Hallelujah' he mumbled as he took his first steps of ball room dancing, the two bodies danced across the room later that evening in rhythm of the tune hummed by the Countess, both of them unable to remember a day quite so enjoyable and Caruso was learning, he remembered all the information, the names of plant's, animals, history.
How unexpected he confessed to one of his gods that night, he could recite the lords prayer in 10 languages, everyone needs a hobby, and that was another one of the little things he liked, he know how Jesus would have never been known as 'Lord', this was a translation inclusion much later, if Caruso started wine into water, walking on water, who knew, maybe people wouldn't just be thankful to him, they would worship him as he mumbled, 'And forgive us our trespasses, As we forgive them that trespass against us...' and a snoring noise resonated throughout the room.
If you had to sleep in that same room, did i tell you it had lots of art? The angry guy on the horse charging into battle, would look quite sensible and reasonable, but i guess thats another story as our boy drifted off to sleep and before long fell into a deep sleep, as his consciousness processed the day in detail and picked the data to construct the perspective that would suit his needs as a loud snore rang out, between both worlds, somewhere in time briefly disturbing Mr Magoo from a little bit of cat napping he was engaged in.
