Chapter 20

Now people, i ask you, just how is it possible to fall asleep on your couch only to wake up somewhere else, this was the message his brain was having difficulty in processing, 2 seconds after his right eye was declared 'Open for business'

Now as his second eye opened a little earlier than normal, as if it couldn't wait any longer to verify the sighting of a beautiful woman.  Two independent eyes, too early in the morning. The right eye came back to the painting on the ceiling up above on his head, a naked body, before long realizing it was a naked male, as Woody Allen would say, 'I dont understand why people aren't bisexual, it doubles your chances of a date on a Friday night'

'Nice', he dared and not really caring who heard, bringing his vision into focus of the stunning woman sitting on the wooden rocking chair, silently rocking back and forth

'Nice of you to visit Mr Sundance' came a familiar voice, nice is right thought Caruso, i'm back in heaven as he began to sit up in bed and give the countess his full attention and she him.

By this stage, Caruso had a fair idea of where he was, but it was a sequence of events that made no sense whatsoever, if you have all the right answers, maybe your asking the wrong questions, he wouldn't think of any questions right now, after all he was beginning to forget just who the hell he was

He decided to just go with the flow, 'just be cool', he reminded himself, hang out for a while with Maria, be her friend he counciled and before long he'd be making a cheese sandwich back on Oak st, with a knife. He might even mow the lawn at some stage he contemplated, a properly maintained garden is crucial in selling your home as two pairs of eyes became entwined as both pairs tracked each others movements, correcting for the rocking motion of the princess, not for a moment not leaving each other's gaze.

Well, it sounded like a plan, so far so good, on the Normandy invasion it was said, 'The planning was everything and the plan was nothing', he wasn't too sure who said it either, which was unusual, not much could go wrong here as Caruso hopped out of bed to take in the scenery as he spoke, '2nd largest city in Hungary, best known for its castle, thermal baths, historic buildings it is known for its repelling of the Turkish attack in 1552 during the Siege of Eger located North East of Budapest, breaking his stride to gaze at the painting with a horse on two legs with some angry army guy, on a killing frenzy, 'best of luck to you buddy' he shook his head in amazement as he continued to stroll over to the window to gather more clues from the morning scene

'Summer time', he rejoiced breathing deeply as if sucking the air through the window panes, it certainly did feel good to do it, maybe thats why he did it? That's what it seemed like anyways as he peered out the window and gave a little yoga stretch to greet the morning, pausing to give himself a scratch on a testicle, always the same one although if you asked him he wouldn't have realized he did that at all, in fact he'd probably just laugh at you like you told him the best joke in years and walk away with tears coming down his cheeks form the laughter, howling, 'You gotta be kiddin man!'

It was a scratch in one of those places that some people would rather omit from a story, but dear reader it may be important, the scratch, the location, the method, it could be the vital clue to bind this tale together neatly, how could i not be truthful in every aspect but everything seemed real to Caruso and why not make that real to you too as he turned to gaze at her body as she rocked back and forth.

One of the defense survival techniques in Africa for young animals is to not move, you see predators can only recognize tasty things they might like to snack on, when they are moving, when not moving, that lion will walk on by them and not kill them, and why would he? When an animal is still, it's just about as tasty as a tree, but if you run away to hide little animal, 'Balm, your dead, it's game over for you' and now his predator not just Pizza senses were primed and ready to party as her tender body moved forwards and backwards, as if beckoning him to her side, which in no time at all he was as he began gazing into her eyes, as if to read her life story from the imprint of her DNA, buried in the depths of her soul, it was a language he wanted to master, to communicate as he began.

'So, where is the count?', 'Down to business' came the reply, 'I mean, you can only be a countess if you marry a count', 'Oh, he's never here' came the reply as Caruso leapt to his feet and beckoned Maria to cease the rocking and give him a little art tour of the room, the bed room had more art than his local art gallery for gods sake.

There were some clothes in the closet he tried on, which were about the correct size as Caruso gazed himself in a mirror, 'quite the gentleman' he complimented his reflection

as the art tour was extended to furniture, architecture, style, in fact everything looked old, but was still quite stylish, which seemed a bit strange as his eyes absorbed the scenes, as if by osmosis, her causal relaxed attitude was infectious as quite unexpectedly he too became quite relaxed and interested in what she was saying, it didn't matter what she said, he treated all he words like gold, it was 10 times worse and yet better, than if he just wanted to get into her pants, which was a bit strange?

But not that strange, here was a fellow that used to argue or debate (which ever way you look at it) with the chickens, he may of been their benefactor, but that's not to say they didn't suffer, well they would have suffered if they understood as he would make some important point in relation in so far as the economy to a cornered rooster, an animal that knew enough to stay well away from the human, after a while you begin to learn, chickens do too, his rhetoric found its correct audience and they learned to run and not hang around

Stepping out to a beautiful manicured gardens, the first thing that came to mind was, 'There's not a single vegetable, fruit or chicken in the whole place', now this was something new, it's like the people here knew that the garden was full of things that couldn't be eaten and that was just a-Ok as the tour entered the gardens as they admired the views, lawns. flowers, it was summer after all, a dream come true.

During the walk, a promise was made to instruct Caruso in the ways of ball room dancing, he was quietly gaining confidence and rapidly as the knowledge began to find roots in his cranium, not this was exciting, it was like, before there was no room for anything to be stored in hie brain, but now, he could remember more and more, nothing new had changed, he was told lots of things before but it was like he didn't understand any of it and hey presto along comes a Countess and he's got the database in his brain working, 'Hallelujah' he mumbled as he took his first steps of ball room dancing, the two bodies danced across the room later that evening in rhythm of the tune hummed by the Countess, both of them unable to remember a day quite so enjoyable and Caruso was learning, he remembered all the information, the names of plant's, animals, history.

How unexpected he confessed to one of his gods that night, he could recite the lords prayer in 10 languages, everyone needs a hobby, and that was another one of the little things he liked, he know how Jesus would have never been known as 'Lord', this was a translation inclusion much later, if Caruso started wine into water, walking on water, who knew, maybe people wouldn't just be thankful to him, they would worship him as he mumbled, 'And forgive us our trespasses, As we forgive them that trespass against us...' and a snoring noise resonated throughout the room.

If you had to sleep in that same room, did i tell you it had lots of art? The angry guy on the horse charging into battle, would look quite sensible and reasonable, but i guess thats another story as our boy drifted off to sleep and before long fell into a deep sleep, as his consciousness processed the day in detail and picked the data to construct the perspective that would suit his needs as a loud snore rang out, between both worlds, somewhere in time briefly disturbing Mr Magoo from a little bit of cat napping he was engaged in.

Chapter 19

'Mriaa, you are lkie a gfit form god' said Caruso as he lay on the couch staring up at the statue, 'wichh god is anyo'dbys geuss, i pery to tehm all'
And it was true, he did do a bit of preying and not just with his predator eyes, normally fixated on the last slice of pizza.

If this statue was a pizza, it wouldn't be a vegetarian pizza, this was the lot, with lots more, it defiantly made him feel good inside, maybe more like a green curry?

Maria looked down on him as Caruso began to acquaint himself with the Countess Von Coco, as displayed on the laptop, the details from the website said she was from Eger in Hungry, this was interesting as he glanced at the photos of the locality as if he was viewing overseas holiday photos with a friend

The area Eger, in Hungary was known as a place where invading Turkish in 1552 didn't capture the castle, this was more of a mental battle for the invaders, much to the surprise of the forces defending, hopelessly out numbered against the Turks of course, but every little bit helped

The Hungarians were seen to be drinking wine, they got wine all over their beards, the local grape squeezing looked like blood.

A rumor went round the Turkish camp that the Hungarians were drinking bulls blood, the wine is now known as 'Bulls blood', i guess it kinda caught on?

The Hungarians were getting their strength from this refreshment and it was game over for the Turks, psychosomatic as Caruso's head began to nod as if to agree with his diagnosis of the invaders as he paused to cast his eyes upwards and reminded the countess, 'Yuor a lnog way form hmoe bbay'

And who could disagree, the proof was in front of him, One can become a countess, generally, by marrying a count or an Earl as in England, not that any of this mattered, but one of Caruso's pet loves is trivia, the useless kind, so this explanation could prove useful at some point, who knows?

'A rich girl', he mused to himself and peered up at her, 'Poor lttile rcih gril' he chirped, and what she was doing looking down on him, of course if your loaded and you have a castle, you kinda want to marry someone that can keep up with the running costs and who could chip in a few dollars, here and there, not the kind of thing you would consider a chicken farmer for, but now wasn't his luck after changing? He was after streamlining his business interests and he did liberate the damn chickens, bar one of course, that one was still floating around in his belly, he may of been kind but he certainly wasn't stupid

He had some dinero in the bank, with some more on the way. A house on Oak st, a regular rags to story and the future was bright, he was someone to watch, on the up and up, Daisy certainly had her eye on him, 'eyes on the prize' he muttered to himself as he read more and more of the life of a Countess, Alexandria Von Coco, where did he get the 'Maria' name from anyways? It didn't matter, not now, but it did make life a bit interesting.

This seemed to have been an issue for the countess, as the reason she was a countess in the first place was because she was married, things were starting to get more and more complicated, things were becoming more and more real as Caruso read on, trying to gleam as much data and information as he tried to construct the life of the Countess and why some of this stuff seemed stuff he already knew, like the art gallery bedroom he remembered waking up in after the fall, it was right in front of him, the pictures were the same too.

'Fancy the chances of that' he began as he reached for the phone and dialed a familiar phone number, after ringing 3 times it went to a voice mail
Hi there, are you male? Do you suffer from tennis elbow? Are you single? Don't suffer these symptoms, enjoy them and if you cant, give me a call'

'Hey Dr T', he started, give me a call on this number when you get the chance', as Caruso read more, more, not quite sure of how he could come into contact (real or fantasy was yet to be determined), if it wasn't real, it sure felt real and maybe that was real enough?

You cant win all the time as he straightened his tie, when he was finished with her, he could put her back on the shelf, he could even put a cloth over her face, was he not entitled to some privacy too?

When the cowboys came round, hear no evil, speak no evil and see no evil, maybe there was a god, defiantly his preyers were being answered he thought as his eyes suddenly started to feel sleepy as a quicksand of sleepy dream time came from nowhere, a chicken farmer, real estate trader, it was good work too and you didn't get feathers in you hair, it was a start of something great, you mighgt be inclined to agree?

Chapter 18

Finishing the rest of a chicken bone, they are not good for you, you know? 'But my god, it tasted wonderful' he thought , call it a calculated risk if you like, a chance he had to take and now another as he stepped out the back door and leaped down to the grass, over to an old barrel and up on to the fence, a safe haven for four legged felines. 

Moving in such a fluid motion you would scarcely believe that it had not been practiced a million times since he was a little kitten, for he was not so little any more.

Spying the approaching feline, a  shadow descended the tree until it was ten feet from the fence.

'Good evening', began Mr Magoo as he approached the outline in the shadow, 'Magoo, how are you?' replied the bear, he wasn't really a bear you know, other names could have included monkey bear, native bear, and tree-bear. 

He was of course whats commonly as a Koala bear, 'a bear not by choice, but by design', he whispered in loved ones ears 30 feet off the ground, of course he had lots of love to share around, it was like the 60's all over again in Koala 'species' town, Koala love grunting noises too not so cute people, as the 2 species engaged in social intercourse, a passing owl noticing the interchange

To say Magoo was a gossip hound, was an under statement, he loved to hoard idle whispers, some Chinese some French, glossy magazines, you name it, he was a predator for that kind of stuff, not the kind of thing you might be a character trait for a cat, but there, maybe miracles do happen every day?

People gossip to elevate their social identity. You elevate in the social snakes and ladder, you go up, they go down, what goes up? You go down, you go down and then people talk about you, sounds like fun? It gets better

Gossip sets social limits, boundaries if you will, you step over the line and everyone will be talking about it.

 'The only thing worse than people talking about you is them not talking about you', Oscar Wilde really was on to something when he said that, and maybe we are on to something too as Magoo told about the chicken he got while Caruso was on the floor

Gossip works really well in areas where everybody knows each other and their business, a gossip ridden rural young person, might yearn for the anonymity of a packed to the brim city of flashing neon lights, where your just about as special as the idiot that dropped his coffee or the chick applying eye liner, what ever that does? The rumbling train is just an extension of her bathroom, and even in her bathroom her cat know her, here on the train rolling eastward, there is no cat and no one cares who she is, its a mutual thing and it happens all the time, some call it life and you can move about in a status called 'anonymity', from 'anonymia', meaning "without a name"

Giving something a name is an important things for things and places, when something has a name, we can talk about it, it could be protected from extinction and developers, we both know what we are talking about or would you like to talk about the 'things' or the 'stuff' and wonder how everything is now different since you were a kid?

Nameless, like a ghost few people know or see, for some the less the better.

Gossip can be a good thing as when people know you, and if your known to help people out, your chances of others helping you is increased, doesn't sound like a city thing, now does it?

I know what your going to say, 'What would a cat want to be bothered with gossip for?' Sadly dear reader, this is is a question that has puzzled some of the best minds of our time, yours and mine

'Hmm' hummed Watson, as he listened to Magoo's story, the 'Hmm' was more for the roast chicken than for hearing how the human had a great fall, not that he cared about what happened to a human, he had enough to think about, namely the chicken as Magoo careful to include all the details, savoring each expressions on the Koala's face as Watson flinched when he heard how the human came tumbling down.

Before long the two friends parted company and returned to the respected domain of their species, Magoo was going to have to monitor the new comers in the house and maybe dish out some discipline here and there

Watson slid back up the tree to practice a mating call, Koalas can be heard from up to a kilometer away, they're normally nocturnal and silent. Maybe if they haven't had a bit of action in a while, the pressure kinda gets to their head and they explode, and the Koala shouting works too, the females derive the males suitability, selecting the biggest and the night as he would often say is yet a puppy.

Size matters for the lady Koala in selecting partners and you can have them any color you like as long as your fine with grey and white, they look cute enough too, but have you ever heard them in the throws of passion, with leaves falling on your tent, it's like listening to an old man sleeping in a shaky leafy tree.

And that's fine, it's just in their species, their breeding, their jeans, boot cut, one wonders? Magoo and Mr Watson the Koala were life long friends for sure

Chapter 17

While waiting for the chicken to cook, because you have to cook them yea know. A wave of tide of hunger caught him and he began to drift further from himself, it would only get worse, something needed to be done.

Taking out the credit card and not thinking of the many ways a card of its dimensions and specifications could function, he put it to immediate use to lighten the burden of life, and cut 10 perfect slices, his technique was getting better, for sure, 'but the new card cuts through so well' he whispered to the bacteria, known collectively as feta, or was it a bacteria bed time story?

Now that he didn't need to find someone to mind the chickens, he felt a wave of relief come over him, who did he even know experienced in chicken management, as he?

A list of names rolled from his lisps, but none of the candidates seemed good enough, 'no', he reflected, 'they are much better off where they are, living free', but where that was, was a good question, maybe an out of sight, out of mind rule was applied, as far as chickens were concerned as Senior Pepe's name came to mind, 'nope' he thought licking the crumbs of cheese from the card, 'wouldn't be his thing and anyway he's vegan, i think?' And Pepe's name was struck from the list floating about among the cells in his brain.

The note was clear, he would be needing that card he thought, as he licked the second side, better break it in slowly, as he inserted it back into his wallet.

And also, as per the instructions, were to enter the shopping centre at 10am, stroll into the supermarket, 'your mission, if you choose to accept it', he murmured to his reflection while driving to shipping centre... and produce the card, and say the words, displayed at the bottom of the letter.

Sounded simple enough, anyone would have thought and by now we catch up with him as he's entering the centre, glancing briefly and nodding, with the duck on his wrist as if to confirm, 'bang on time' he recanted as he strolled passed a $2 shop and noticed a wonderland of goodies where everything was the same price, 'i'll be back for you' he babbled as he passed a box of liquorish

'The licorice plant is a perennial herb and a member of the pea family', he demurred as he made his way  to the trolley bay, he liked to think of selecting the shopping trolley as selecting a fine steed, 'things could get nasty in there', he thought as he imagined what it would be like to be part of a supermarket trolley demolition derby, one thing for sure he reflected deeply. 'It would be great' he envisioned as a trolly wheeled his in the main door and into the fruit section.

Of course you should never go shopping while your hungry, everyone knows that, not that this would have mattered to him, it would all be on the card, as he picked some bananas, known as 'food of the monkey' in Brazil, he liked the way 'put it on the card' sounded, but he was a bit old fashioned when he thought the financial system  as he munched on his first banana. 

He remembered he had to get some cash out, it might be fun to throw a few dollars here and there later, just to experience the money in the old fashioned way, a piece of plastic people is a very unemotional way of parting with any money you might have acquired by trading your time in the wage slavery racket

Throwing items in, no longer in a position where he needed to consult the mouse at the wheel on his brain, calories, nutrient value? They were never questions that popped into his head, and now he had a stride of respectability about him, anything could be his, even stuff he didn't want, 'Do rich people feel like this all the time?' He wondered as he reflected a lifestyle of 'If you have to ask the price, you cant afford it?' as he selected food at random, selecting each item for purchase on the power of persuasion presented to him, based on the packaging, idea and promise made by the item, he wanted to be seduced, the tide was turning, look out world as he smilingly walked up to the check out.

'Hello, how are you?' began the girl as his bill was totted up, as one question after another came up to explain the purchases, and hell, if she had to explain to people to not eat in the store one more time, she was fit to scream.

The bill was calculated and before signing, Caruso turned to the girl, and peered closely at her chest and read, 'Clare', 'Hi Clare, he began, and i'll pay for everything in the store for the next 10 minutes' he didn't write them words, they were printed in the letter, well more or less, he did throw in 'My good man' to the service attendant.

All he had to do was read them and before long, ears were pricked to attention, this was a turn up for the news.

'Is the billionaires club in town', replied an old man at the back of the line, awaiting his financial fate, if it was going to be free he mused, 'I might as well go and get the beef sausages' as he turned around after an announcement was made of the generous offer.

Of course, before any offer was announced, the credit was checked on the card, the money was there, it would take the full load, as some cheese half covered his face on the card, he shifted his legs while waiting for the manager's call to the bank.

Time was beginning to feel precious, was it not money after all? Well, this is how he felt before he was allowed to make the announcement over the PA.

'Dear ladies and gentlemen, for the next 10 minutes, everything is on me and free to you, just bring whatever you want to the checkout and i will put it on my card', towards the end of the announcement the walking speed of the supermarket, declined until everybody stood still, you could have heard a pin drop after the announcement finished.

A jam jar breaking resonated from isle 5 as people looked at each other as if to say, 'Did you hear that too?', the crowd suddenly became a feeding frenzy as people gave themselves up visually, emotionally, mentally and physically as people reached out to grasp consumer items that they could only ever dream of buying, with appealing, seductive packaging, you knew you were paying for that packaging and this was a-ok now, for the next 10 minutes, someone else would be picking up the tab.

'Hell's bells, kid', said the old man with his beef sausages you win the lottery or something?', 'no i have  a benefactor' came a carefully rehearsed reply, as he swiped the precious card and signed on the dotted line, turning to as if appease the fans saved from parting with precious wage slave earnings. 

'Did someone say hero?', he allowed himself to muse, but only briefly, the day wasn't over yet

But not before taking one packet of beef sausages, 'gratis' as the Spaniards would say, the old guy did have 10 packets and after all, it wasn't like he didn't have the money and he took a packet of biscuits from another fan as he strode out the door, feeling like a king, but wanting to miss out on the windfall of the chosen ones

'Why did you do it?', came another probing question, 'Because i can afford it', came a reply from his lips, almost surprising himself with the feeling of euphoria he began to sense creep up on him as he experienced yet another time what it was like to be revered in captive awe

Exiting the building, he threw an empty drink can in the bin, missing his target but not missing a beat as a cleaner watched him, the music was too good to stop, hadn't he done enough for the world?

Not wanting to break his stride, to shoot from a closer distance, the cleaner shook his head and sighed to himself, 'Whats the world coming to? Who does he think he is?'

'What it must be like to be rich?' Caruso remarked and gave a security guard a nod as if to approve his great work in protecting the goods that could be traded with the swipe of a plastic card and thought about how the good guy always gets the girl in Hollywood anyways and then he remembered......'The liquorish!!!'

Chapter 16

We catch up with our new friend with the zest for life in tow, like a 5 pm shadow on backwards as he scrambled out the door with wild energy only for him to stop on his tracks like a wild animal sensing danger, as he spied somebody going through his letter box he hadn't been resided there that long, i guess you could say 25 Oak st was growing on him, but would it prove to be some kind of poison ivy? Only time could tell. But an intruder, already, really?

As soon as his brain was able to inverted the series of images in front of him, along came the instruction to speak and to say, 'Hi Babe....you got here quick'

'Feeling better all ready hon?' came the reply, 'Much better in fact as', 'There is a letter here from a lawyer', Daisy said as she looked at him all dressed up and no where to go, not usually anyways.
As he rushed past her with wild abandon, 'Where you goin, dont i get a cup of tea?' Turning to her and said, 'Hey babe, i have to go back to the farm, those chickens need looking after, they have a benefactor, and thats me!

'The chicken farm needs me, no one is looking after them', 'Well i'm coming too then' Pipped Daisy and proceeded to cover some of the ground between Caruso and back to Sundance chicken farm, letters and magazines in tow, it was quite hard to believe Daisy demurred, 'that an old woman would have quite such tastes?'
But as Oscar Wilde once said, 'I'll believe anything as long as it's ridiculous', but she didn't have any time to think about this, she had a chicken farmer to catch god dammit.

'What about this?' said Daisy, as the honda came up to full speed on the highway, bringing a magazine into view entitled, 'Chicks with specks', 'it's not mine baby, it's probably the woman i bought the house from' he said, simultaneously marveling at how efficient the post office was at forwarding his mail, 'Maybe the post office's timing was a bit off, but apart for the inconvenience, a postal service like this could hardly be called incompetent

On the way to the farm, Daisy read one of the letters addressed to him and then she re read it, it quite simply stated

Dear Mr Caruso J Sundance

I hope your enjoying your time at 25 Oak st, your benefactor would like to contract your services, he would like to pay you to come to work for him, you will need to find someone to look after your farm for a while, but i'm sure you can manage it, we can help you with your mortgage payments, you wont regret it.

Please find a credit card attached which should cover any expenses you might incur

Mr Henry 'Legal' Eagle , from Legal Eagles Lawyer's.
There will be another $10,000 commission if you successfully buy this premise on my behalf

And then the letter explained just what he would have to do to earn all this money, which had them both a bit puzzled, relationships if glossy magazines are anything to believed, are a joint effort, and now that her man was looking to being doing well for himself, or maybe someone was doing well by him? 
Anyways who were they to look a gift horse in the mouth? But finding out what horse, what race would have been nice and maybe it would have answered a few questions yet to be composed into questions


The unlikely duo arrived back at Sundance Farms, post haste, a few red lights, and an hour after happy hour, that's about what time it was, and besides the Donald duck wrist watch said so, was there any better time zone to live in?

Caruso went to check on the farm, not much at all to look after, he chuckled and proceeded to walk towards the chickens gate in from of their run, feeling very important, he was a 'Gate keeper', in the late 20th century the term came into metaphorical use, referring to individuals who decide whether a given message will be distributed by a mass medium. The keeper of the gate if you will, as he peered in at 200 pairs of eyes looking back at him, heads moving inside and outside the gate as if in unison

A synonym for important is moment and at this moment, the only moment you ever have to deal with. All eyes were on the farmer, a benefactor of sorts, on a good day, with more wonder than awe.
Some actually believed he was a rooster in his previous life, some humans believed it too, if all accounts were to be believed as a voice boomed, 'Go, you are free, go live the life you were destined. ' And a gate to freedom opened.

Our boy had as if over night developed a live and let live attitude over night and besides it wasn't looking like he would be needing the money any more, so what was the big deal-e-o, chickens are people too, why shouldn't they be free, liberation! Viva la vida! It was about the only Spanish he knew, that and Viva Las Vegas, yes you could say he was cultured, in a kind of way?

'Emancipation of the chicken's' he howled as the chickens rushed past to savor a kind of freedom that they could have only been able to dream of, if they were able to dream?

'It seems like a strange sight', thought the fox quizzically as he was tried to make head nor tail of the situation at hand, were his eyes playing tricks or was this eventuality too good to believe?

'Not you buddy' as he grabbed a liberated chicken, the only emancipation it would receive would be between it's head and shoulders, with a mechanical chop, aided on by a grunting noise, impeccably timed, in unison.

Hey he might be after be coming into a bit of dinero, but he wasn't getting all sanctimonious about it, not yet anyways, it wasn't yet dinner time and besides he couldn't think when he was hungry

And anyways, old habit's die hard, what would you have done?

Chapter 15

'Tap-tap-tap tap tap tap', that's how it sound anyways, as Caruso, the recovering patient typed carefully worded search terms into the search engine, some of the more successful queries to return searches that shed light on his unanswered questions were

Dream countess chateaux fluffy bed 
Dream bedroom art gallery eggs Benedict and cheese

His curiosity getting the better of him, he began to enter another dream state, the interpretation he knew and felt three times a day and not wanting to experience it's full meaning, which was always a nightmare, he couldn't think of do anything if there wasn't some fuel in the engine, it was simple as that.

About the same time an inquisitive thought happened to meet an idea that was out for a stroll one summers day in his mind, the though inspected some nice brick work on a wall and a butterfly came between him and the wall as it to tell his, 'Nothing to see here', 'Wrong way buddy' and, 'What about Maria?'
'Oh, Yeah, i forgot' he said to a flashing banner advert promising a Russian bride, if the Countess mounted on the wall witnessing all of this found any of this abnormal, Von Coco wasn't betraying her breeding, that or maybe she was getting used to it?
If she had any idea what was transpiring, her tender look did not betray her composure in any way

Not wanting to get in the way of a good idea, he searched 'Countess Alexandria Von Coco AKA Maria' and low and behold, there she was on the screen, were his eyes playing tricks on him, this lady was beginning to pop up everywhere, and looking up at the bust mounted on the wall said, 'Wlel, wlel, wlel, i dnot bleveie it, trehe you are, why dnot we get a ltitle acunitqead, shlal we?'

He could have sworn the statue of the Countess gave a little smile, it was a long day and it may have been the glare from the laptop screen, so he reclined on the sofa and read the Countess Von Coco history online, only holy statues moved, he hoped she wasn't, religious ones are no fun he thought to himself , careful not to give any clues to the countess, he's soon find out all that he needed to know anyways, by the number of returned searched, she lived the life of Mother Theresa or Winnie Mandela, 'Noting is good nor bad only thinking makes it so' said Shakespeare, more reading would be required to get to the bottom of this one

 If he had to look all this up in the library, he might never have her and lets face it, it's not every day a countess comes into your life and thank god for internet search engines.
He felt like celebrating for gods sake!

You need to be versed on all aspects of business, that was another point he learned in the real estate business, not so much the chicken process, that was still a work in progress, yes it would appear our wanna be business man was learning much in this real estate career, after all it's like Real estate chose him and not the other way around? Who wouldn't be proud of that fact? He was beginning to acquire a track record that didn't end in disasters and nasty letters from the bank

As it began to get dark, he began to read the Countess Von Coco's biography of where she was from Egar, in Hungary, a strange feeling came over him, so strange in fact, it was like a sixth sense or something like that and with a jolt sat up quickly and cried, 'The foxes, who's looking after the chickens?', He was trying to keep the wolves from his door and screamed, 'the foxes and wolves would take the lot, like the corporations', he was a business man after all and business was business

And leaped off the couch, sending the laptop flying and proceeded to re assemble his work attire he was wearing before his Humpty Dumpty fall. It was now after 6pm, you could say Caruso was coming up in the world, his zest for life, that spark had been ignited as Benny and the Dr watched their friend disappear out the door, to try and keep the foxes from the door of the chickens, 'no matter how much they huffed and puffed, no fox would get in there', he said the previous week when a thought of branching out into the pig business got wings and took flight

Unfortunately, thought got shot down in his brain like a fighter plane from world war II, thank god, it didn't matter he mused, 'World war II was years ago anyway, but that's history baby' as he put the finishing paint strokes to the gate, he was a benefactor as 200 chickens looked at him trying to calculate his next move and how they could respond

But how long would this spark for life last? Like any good friends, Benny bet it would last 2 days, the Herr Dr said, 'one week' and the bet was on, making a previous conversation they had earlier about which movie would so far sum it all up, well, 'Trading places' seemed to be in the lead, a $1 bet was placed, the winner takes all and the deal was sealed with the doctor said, 'Patient is cured', said the doctor, 'case closed' as they proceeded to play some old records, and drink Sherry, not the usual choice, but beggars cant be choosers, or could they?
It was hard to believe the records worked, they were older than dinosaurs!

Chapter 14 (Maybe Chapter 10.1?)

Ahh, he's noticed the Countess, one eye followed the unusual creature approach Alexandria Von Coco, now he was standing on the old chair, saved from the scrap heap over the years so many times, it was a wedding present back when things were hand made and not shipped in by boatload, maybe it was a key to some special memories, a keepsake if you will?

The mind boggles, what i do know is the previous tenant would never have used it to sit on, maybe to ponder on when daily life became a weight on her.

Not that our good friend knew this, watched on by one Herr Dr T, Magoo had never paid much attention to this fact either, a rule that wouldn't have applied to him anyways, he was always the exception to the rule and this was turning out to be an interesting night in, he was on his way out on a little bit of cat business, he needed to attend to, only for the stimulation that was in it.

If you asked him, he would only have given the Cutsey wootsy purr and turn his heels and be on his way, that was his way, he played his cards close to his chest and if you asked any woman, they would readily tell you what a 'cutie' he is

With the left eye, he watched a princess born in a Chateaux come more and more into the field of a 35 year old chicken farmer, with the right, he watched the feast being consumed on the floor by the other human beast, watching him eat was worse than watching a dog he sneered

Just about the only item that really interested him was the roast chicken, he was a cat after all.
And he wasn't the only one paying attention, Mr Smith's head was going side to side like a tennis judge, his senses being stimulated by newcomers and the events enfolding

Before long, the humpty dumpty farmer came tumbling down, you probably already knew that part?

Interesting as Magoo strolled off with chicken wing in his mouth, maybe i'll go on that bit of business after all, it looked like someone's noticed the countess, now that's news and he felt like he had to go out this minute to spread the much hoped for news.

Now, you'd never think that cats would hold much love for gossip, now would you?

Chapter 13

'He's coming round now Benny', said a doctor as if to be making a medical diagnosis, 'take your socks away from his nose', slowly but surly Caruso's mind retreated from a dream of his favorite breakfast, with some kind of cheese sauce, which was strange as that's not something he would normally like that?

First the left eye, then the right, not much of a visual Mexican wave, you might be inclined to agree? To see Benny and Herr Doctor T by his side, Benny with a spoon in his mouth, with what looked like a chocolate substance on his lips, his tongue was engaged in cleansing his lips, and spoon, after 2 seconds of eye contact Benny looked away, as if not wanting to let his friend see the depths of his love for the chocolate spread in his soul, the sleeping giant was awakening and it looked hungry too by all accounts

Even Mr Smith turned his head to gaze at how this human could have been brought into his line of vision, nothing seemed to make sense to this animal anymore?
Benny was kneeling on the floor, with 2 had-seen-better-days socks with eager look presiding his face, it was probably all in a days work for T as he stood up and strolled over to look at some photos on the wall.

'So, what's the deale-o with this place, are you house sitting for someone, i didn't know you had an Auntie?
'He doesn't', blurted Benny, 'Do you?' turning to a semi awake patient, 'I mean he bought it yesterday', and Dr T turned to view the patient and nurse as if in wonder, he drew a big breadth and eyed his two friends on the floor

'Do you mean to tell me i was down in the Red velvet lounge after lunch, desperately looking for a crisp $20 note for one last lap dance, going out of my tiny little mind, my dear man mean to tell me, that i have been chasing you for $20 for the past 6 months and now it appears your piggy bank was about the size of King Kong and you could go down to the lounge and buy the damn place, and the girls included?'

'Did you know 'King Kong' was Hitlers favorite movie, which kinda explains...', cutting himself short and looked up, gradually regaining consciousness to take in the ensuing scene with some clarity, the dragon tattoo on his chest under this cotton shirt was beginning to prick up his ears and come to full attention

Caruso growled, 'My dear fellow up until yesterday, i was a nobody, nothing to lose, happy go lucky, sometimes happy, rarely lucky, i had nothing, now the world is mine', which wasn't exactly true, but it sounded like a good response, the Herr Doctor showed his surprise by opening a cupboard to take a peek for any supplies of peanut butter

Well, he did have a chicken farm which was an asset i suppose, he did have a lot of good memories there, for what that's worth to the banking establishment?

Actually farm was more of a liability as it belonged the bank, not to his piggy, King Kong or his Japanese doppelgangers Godzilla bank ('that would have been some sight', he would ponder when walking into the Fast cash savings bank the next day).

But he needed fast cash alright, to keep the financial wolves from his door, the foxes only required a wire fence, in fact the $10,000 would save his neck, he often had nightmares that he was a chicken, and he was the one squawking, getting the chop. Such as life?

To which Caruso added, 'If we were in Japan you would have said a "Piggy bank about the size of Godzilla', 'King Kong never made much of a name for himself there', in fact the King Kong movies where he duels Godzilla, they had 2 separate endings to suit either home crowd, it's funny how people are, isn't it? The home crowd always wants their boy to win'

Gaining composure by the minute, Caruso remembered reading about all the best artists and musician having benefactors, Beethoven had one, but only on the condition he would never have to meet them, wouldn't it be wonderful if i had it the same way?' he nodded, many years ago now, he did learn to play  to play piano, he could play some things, although most of the he just made up his own stuff
'Wouldn't it be like riding a bike?, he quipped as he peered about his home from the ground up, from a differnt point of view you might be inclined to think?

'I have a benefactor', he blurted as T's bedside manner became a bit agitated as the thought of the monetary indifference, confusion and old fashioned difference in dinero that had presented it's ugly neck with the friends.
'Somebody obviously thinks i'm a great talent', and they want to nurture my talents', although, talents in what might be another question? Killing chickens? Trivia? Hardly folks!

Up until now, he didn't really do much or go anywhere, it was just chicken farming and even at that, he wasn't too good with that either, he liked it which helped, he reasoned, at least you'd think so anyways?

Being with the chickens always felt normal to him, he was a benefactor to them in a way, before he morphed into the harvester of sorrow. It was a natural progression you see, if your a chicken that is. He took them to heaven, before he too them to hell. 'He baby, i wanna tell you a little secret', before balm, he's let them have it and a headless chook was shooting blood and running for it's life, it wasn't a cat with 9 lives or 50 Cent with 9 bullets, what would that be in chicken years? And off he'd go, arms flapping and shouting, maybe he was doing an impression of an Italian man pretending to be a talking chicken, one could never be too sure?

The numbers plus the business side of things wasn't really his thing either, who's perfect anyways?

'I suppose so', retorted the good Herr T, not quite sure what he was replying to, his mind hand now turned to food, it was becoming a pressing issue and he didn't want any problem and proceeded to inspect the contents of the fridge as if it might enhance his under standing of the lucrative goings on, he was getting damn hungry too!

His two friends began to discuss the similarities of the patent's new found fortune, forgetting him momentarily as comparisons were being made to movies where by central characters have a bit of an unexpected turn up for the books, Dr T mentioned Trading Places and Pretty Woman, and laughed before remembering to try and make the recovering patient comfortable or at least help him up

None of this mattered to Caruso, as his eyes locked on to Marias face, in his line of vision, displayed over his head, her eye color and facial details being obscured, as if she wore a mask at a masquerade

'You sacuy brid, waht did you do to me?', thought our smiling friend in a reclined position on the wooden floor,  'Did taht rlaely hpaepn? It was qtiue smhtieong', before two pairs of hands swooped on him and lifted him up from the floor and brought him in for land, plonking him on the sofa, you might be glad to know he wasn't seriously hurt, which was just as well from a medical point of view.

After quite some minutes, choosing to remain silent in relation his dream, it might be better if i take a quick peek at dream meanings online, before i go putting my neck on it? He surmised as he listened to his peers debate possible endings, on screen and off screen to his life. That's the thing about Happy ending's reassured Benny, you always know they are coming, he did have a point, but was there another point on the other side?

And then the phone rang, the patients phone in fact, 'Rancho relaxo, Caruso J Sundance speaking', to which an irate caller squeaked, 'I tried calling you earlier, what's up Cowboy and what's up with the J Sundance business, are you applying for jobs or something?'

'No babe, it would appear, i have a benefactor..' pausing, '...like Beethoven' and before long, his hands were moving as if to conduct the words emanating from his mouth, shaping them into sentences, some more adjectives than nouns or pronouns, was this a case of blatant grammatical discrimination?

As he himself grasped the benefactor experience in chronological order, (the mind doesn't work that way, he should have know that) of the turn of events to cast shade on his sunny disposition.

He began to visualize what was happening, where it was going on as his eyes looked from left to right momentarily stopping to notice the cat and dog in the corner of the room as if in discussion, 'Now there's a life', he reflected as he returned his concentration to one Daisy Bee Bop, his girlfriend of one year' that was communicating with him through the item in his hand, not that he saw relationships as long term, it defiantly wasn't long distance, he was going with the flow because that's the kind of guy that he is

Before long, Daisy B, as he liked to call her was out the door and en route to Rancho Relaxo to assist in any further medical treatment, looking up at his com-padre Cowboys debate other benefactor themed movies and their artistic merit in animated hand gesture's

'Maybe their daddies are Italian too?' he mused as the surveyed the floor for the animals that were no where to be seen

Chapter 12

Herr Doctor T was out strolling by the cafe district, better know to him and his comrade cowboy outfit as the 'Booty street', as he passed a blue pay telephone up on main st, a poster of a cute kitty caught his predator eyeballs, aren't cats predators too reader? Maybe it was a mutual recognition of two souls, not that Doctor T would have known this as he moved in closer within striking distance.

T was smoking a pipe and made a kissing noise with every inhale of toxic smoke, easily recognizable to all that were love hungry that afternoon as they gazed into their coffees, as a Gypsy woman might in reading signs of future good fortune, not that the good doctor saw smoking as a bad hobby to have.

He did swap a crack pipe for the good old fashioned tobacco kind he recanted one night when he was out with the boys, commonly known as 'The cowboys', everyone nodded and seemed to unanimously agree, it was a step in the right direction, no one could disagree a health improvement for Dr T indeed, but the subject of secondary smoke was debatable?

His real name by the way was not Doctor T, and where 'Herr' came from was anybody guess? You dont need to know his real name, everybody calls him Doctor T, not that he minded not being called Doctor T, Dr Seuss wasn't a real doctor and look how far he want in life!

And after all it did give him a feeling of worthiness in society, in fact his only experience in science was that one time he tried cooking up crack cocaine, and T part came from Mr T, from the A-Team, the 1980's show, if you get a mohawk when your 15 and a turn of events like that could happen to you,  so you might have to ask your mummy first kids!!

The poster, on closer inspection displayed bold text, 'Have you seen me?', with the cutsy wootsiest kitty kat, with an adorable face (guys if you had a face like that your girlfriend would never leave you, your wife wouldn't either, you could even ask for a bit of three way action and the chances of a positive reply would be likely!)

The bottom of the poster on closer inspection displayed, 'Because i am awesome'

And you had to agree, it did look like a nice companion, a babe magnet too! And he thought about the state of his love life when his telephone began to ring, a ring like no other 34 year old doctors, it was the start of 'Master of puppets, by Metalllica, in Dr T opinion, the best band ever live, full stop.

Switching his attention from the feline to his phone, he answered the call, the call was from Benny
'Hello Benny', 'Hey T', said an exasperated caller, come quick, i think Caruso's dead or something', after giving a few  details, Dr T said, 'Are you eating Benny?', 'Yeah, it's only some chicken, why, do you want me to save you some?' and before long, Dr T was on his way, wondering what if in fact he did go to college and live up to his name sake, was there even still time?

And headed for the address Benny gave him on Oak st, leaving the posted image of the most cutsy wootsy kitty cat, better known to you and i as Mr Magoo, all to himself on Booty st, with babes galore checking out his pin up poster, one or two thinking of taking him home, on paper, the face value was irrefutable 

Chapter 11

Caruso's head was pounding, he was beginning to think this might be the worst hangover in history, maybe the history of mankind or however long man has been making alcohol, he wasn't quite sure how long and he made a mental note to find out the next time he went online.

Of, course all this was happening before the mouse at the controls in his brain gave the instructions to 'Open sesame' in the old eye department, One quarter of the human brain is used to control the eyes, and boy! Whoo, it sure felt it too! It was all a bit early in the morning for multi tasking and he was hungover bad, or so he thought?

'Are you ok?', came the voice for a woman, sitting in the chair next to the bed. 'What, where am i?', now his brain was becoming more engaged in taking in what was going on around him, 'You had a had a bad fall, you stood up on the chair to look at me, do you remember?'

'Hmm, dont...' and he tried sit up and take in just where he was, it didn't look familiar to him, he wasn't in the chicken farm and it definitely wasn't the house in Oak st, judging by the big chandelier, the room was big enough to play frisbee in, who would have a room that big he thought? There were oil paintings on the walls, detailed painting on the ceiling, the bed was the softest thing he ever slept in, it was like sleeping on a cloud!

It was turning out be quite a strange day as his eyes began to focus on the woman in front of him

'It couldn't be', he muttered. 'It's me', she said. 'But your the girl, the statue! Maria?' Actually, my name is Alexandria, actually, Countess Alexandria Von Coco, but you can call me Maria, i think Maria is kinda cute and i think your kinda cute and she planted a big kiss on his forehead'

'Mamma Mia', uttered the chicken farmer and he very nearly pinched himself, but stopped himself mid way, if this was a dream he thought, better not bail out now, how often do you wake up in a room like an art gallery, the size of a football field with a queen or what ever it was all about? 'Am i dead, could i be in heaven?', he gulped, and if he was, he certainly didn't have any complaints, not yet anyways!

Maybe he could hold off the pinching stuff off until things got a bit heated, that or if he had to do the dishes and in a place like this, they were sure to have a dishwasher, gods greatest gift to mankind, it certainly looked like the kind of place that could afford one, not that he knew how to use one, but he knew what it looked like, and where to find it, usually, sometimes he would just chuck dishes in the bin and, 'cut out the middleman', he would normally say, what ever that meant? Reader, your guess is as good as mine.

But that was only when he was thinking outside the box, the box being his brain, it's just that sometimes there wasn't much going on inside the box, it was more a case of a mouse asleep at the wheel, when it came to any domestic duties anyways, after all, he was hardly a house cat, that was Mr Magoo's department after all

The patient steadily sat up in bed and was beginning to take Maria in as he came to observe every detail of her face and body, her blue eyes. 'Ah, ha', he said out loud, his first question already answered, her eye color which could not have been revealed in the marble, was revealed clear as daylight, although still a little bit fuzzy as he began to drink her features, her long black hair, her tanned complexion, her lips were full and sensuous, not a trace of make up, this was real beauty that was staring back at him folks, as he rubbed his eyes just to make sure and glanced over both shoulders, there was no one else there next to him as slowly the fact started to seep into his brain, as if by osmoses that, yep, you guessed it, 'She's looking at you buddy!'

It was like something out of a dream, something he hoped he'd never wake up from, dream or not, if truth be told, this woman was in fact flawless, what a chicken farmer/Real estate investor was doing in her vicinity was the next question? For all intense purposes, she had the appearances of the kind of girl that could take him out and show him a good time and just what the hell would be wrong with that? As he tried to read the features of the angelic woman that was by his side, as he opened his lips to verbalize his thoughts

'People with blue eyes are better able to see in the dark', he said as he gazed into Countess Von Coco's soul, as if he was he finally was gazing into a field, where the grass actually was greener on the other side, but blue, sky blue and not a cloud in sight, quite an unexpected rebound from the tumble in the kitchen, if his life was a stock report, it would look like the mountain range he could see from the outdoor toilet, while perched on the seat, a whole series of ups and downs, and hey, things were starting to look up again, the sky was the limit, although the pain in his head was dragging the party down.

'Oh you', she giggled, 'you are to lie down and take it easy, you must rest, you know, no one much paid me interest in that house, you were the first to pay me any attention, real attention' said Maria as she passed the patient a glass of water.
'Are you hungry, dear?' She inquired, 'Does the pope wear a funny hat?', replied the patient of Château Coco, a Château built in the 15th century by the Maria's ancestors as a ornate glass of water came maneuvered by a hand the size of a Peach, to his lips.

People, our boy Caruso truly was in heaven, and then he began to wonder what possible delights he could order, was there a menu? Did they have a Chef? Would he be able to order eggs Benedict?
Even if he wasn't really in heaven, it would be heaven, in an eggs Benedict kind of way, it was all in the sauce he reflected, licking his lips, but he really didn't want to get into all that now, not just yet anyways as he suddenly felt drowsy

Right now, he needed something for his pounding headache, which prompted the following words from his vocal chords, 'Do you have any paracetamol tablets Maria?"

'Sorry, Caruso' offered his Countess, 'This is the year 1854, paracetamol hasn't been invented yet', 'I can get the maid to get you some herbal tea', that or you'll have to tough it out like a good soldier, 'What about Eggs Benedict?, 'If you can give the chef the instructions', 'thy will be done' smiled his Countess

'I'll be ok', he reflected, a bit more perturbed that one of his favorite foods could not be sourced, not that he could describe Eggs Benedict, for all he was concerned, it was magical, something that was and would be indescribable, to him anyways, not that he didn't sometimes have a way with words, right now his hands were by his side it seemed that he needed to have his hands at eye level as if he was the conductor of the orchestra of his thoughts, after all, his daddy was Italian, or so the story goes?

Before placing an order for breakfast from the waitress AKA Countess Alexandria Von Coco AKA Maria, he Caruso AKA 'Head the ball', drifted off to sleep and dreamt the dream of a man that had died and gone to heaven and was now feasting on a dish that consists of two halves of an English muffin, topped with bacon (always bacon!), poached eggs and Hollandaise sauce

Sound familiar?

Chapter 10

Some say 'Familiarity breeds contempt', the more you know a person, the more you dislike them, or not? For some, by not knowing a person, or even themselves, it enables them to load others up with a world of expectations, only to have their hopes and dreams, some false shattered

Caruso looked up from the half empty shell of roast Chicken, that was in the process of meeting it's roast chicken fate, his eyes moved to the statue, Maria to be specific, for what other statue had ever captivated a man of 35 years old, for god's sake his hands were clamming up, his breaths were becoming shallow, must have been something to do with the food he thought as Benny, ate a chocolate and chicken sandwich, noting out of the ordinary there, or so it seemed?

Could it have been down to good old fashioned love at first sight? Who knows what goes on inside the mind of a chicken farmer? Do you need to know that he was once an altar boy? Not even he could tell you the feeling he was experiencing, one thing that could be said is he was hooked and like a fish being reeled in, not that he put up a struggle, it was akin to the myth of a Koi fish from Japan, when on the chopping block, it knows it's going to Koi heaven, it does not struggle, it accepts it's fate, not like the chickens that met their untimely deaths on his chopping block, but that dear reader is but another story

Leaving Benny to devour the rest of the hap hazard feast on the floor, Caruso stood up and walked over to the statue to gain a better view point, keeping eye contact with Maria, something was familiar sure, that was the strange thing, but he wasn't so sure, what he did see was some writing at the base bust, so he did what any inquisitive hot blooded male would do, he maneuvered his head for a closer inspection, by way of standing on a rickety brown chair, that had seen better days

Why the chair was probably older than Jesus, but none of that mattered, his curiosity was burning after threatening to spontaneously combust, and only the words carved in stone, displayed up above would quench his insatiable thirst for this precious knowledge, curiosity killed the cat and Magoo's cat senses were tuned to the frequency of roast chicken 104.8 FM

The human mind when reading, only reads the first and last letter of a word, when interpreting the meaning of a word, if the first letter and last letter is in the right place, the word can be understood, spelling mistakes, enlightened people might feel compelled tell to impart to you, well there are no spelling mistakes, your words, mistakes and all are unique to you, your words are as unique as your finger print, spell check is a tool that cleanses your paragraphs of any trace that you were there and who would want to do that?

'Oh Miraa, waht ttruh, setcres are ceoitnnad biehnd yuor eeys, i'ts lkie yo'uve ceptruad my suol and i hvae csat off, slniiag the saes of my suol', he whispered to himself as he came closer

The words he sought were carved in stone, 'Countess Von Coco', interesting thought Caruso as he peered into the Countess's eyes as if to try and unlock or gleam information contained, not that he could tell the the eye color or anything mysterious, after all the bust was marble

He shifted his feet to inform Benny, of his remarkable discovery, maybe it could have been the excess of feasting bouncing around in his belly that made the front leg of the rickety chair give way, maybe not? Call it fate if you like? What we do know is, Caruso spent the next 2 seconds pondering the life and times of this new lady, who was she? Would the internet shed any light on this mysterious lady? Where did she come from?

There were so many questions, to be answered and even more to be posed, serendipity had popped it's head into his life, he felt like his luck was changing and now his uneventful life flashed before his eyes while plummeting to the grounded (who said he couldn't multi task?)

Thoughts of his first chicken kill, walking home in the rain from school, that time that he thought he invented masturbation, the first time he saw the blue blue sea to watching monkeys having sex in the zoo, all these events that made him the man, to the bear market decent in the world of trivial events, it was a day of extreme high and lows

A decent in the world, aided by gravity and a belly full of crackers, cheese, bread, chicken and chocolate, the meal lacked the usual zest of coco cola, is there not always room for improvement?

But dear reader, it was his first day in his new home and beggars couldn't be choosers and after all, he didn't like to sweat the small stuff, which was nice to say to yourself in a mirror while you gun down the highway in a red Honda civic, in theory, but it didn't really translate in practice, not if saw a grown man throwing tofu burgers from the fridge freezer at a passing duck with part suspicion, part disgust (and what percentage is anybody guess?)

After all, who wants some exotic disease, and two ducks ran for cover from incoming tofu

As the ground now approached like a speeding train, the pattern of the wooden floor came closer into view, 'Defiantly Oak flooring', Caruso grunted before passing out, a loud crash and thud startled Mr Magoo from deep concentration, or maybe it was a form of cat meditation?

Up until now the sole feline focus was acquiring any of the chicken being consumed in his homestead by these intruders, this would be his chance he reflected, not a bad day after all, Magoo had never seen humans such as these and it would be quite some time before he would again

As he moved closer now, in a sort of hesitant first aid capacity, Benny was forced to choose eating the remainder of the roast chicken over helping his best friend and selecting a drum stick, just to help him calm his nerves.

'Eureka' whispered Magoo as he moved closer to his dinner, although how a cat could quote Archimedes is anybody's guess?