Chapter 14 (Maybe Chapter 10.1?)

Ahh, he's noticed the Countess, one eye followed the unusual creature approach Alexandria Von Coco, now he was standing on the old chair, saved from the scrap heap over the years so many times, it was a wedding present back when things were hand made and not shipped in by boatload, maybe it was a key to some special memories, a keepsake if you will?

The mind boggles, what i do know is the previous tenant would never have used it to sit on, maybe to ponder on when daily life became a weight on her.

Not that our good friend knew this, watched on by one Herr Dr T, Magoo had never paid much attention to this fact either, a rule that wouldn't have applied to him anyways, he was always the exception to the rule and this was turning out to be an interesting night in, he was on his way out on a little bit of cat business, he needed to attend to, only for the stimulation that was in it.

If you asked him, he would only have given the Cutsey wootsy purr and turn his heels and be on his way, that was his way, he played his cards close to his chest and if you asked any woman, they would readily tell you what a 'cutie' he is

With the left eye, he watched a princess born in a Chateaux come more and more into the field of a 35 year old chicken farmer, with the right, he watched the feast being consumed on the floor by the other human beast, watching him eat was worse than watching a dog he sneered

Just about the only item that really interested him was the roast chicken, he was a cat after all.
And he wasn't the only one paying attention, Mr Smith's head was going side to side like a tennis judge, his senses being stimulated by newcomers and the events enfolding

Before long, the humpty dumpty farmer came tumbling down, you probably already knew that part?

Interesting as Magoo strolled off with chicken wing in his mouth, maybe i'll go on that bit of business after all, it looked like someone's noticed the countess, now that's news and he felt like he had to go out this minute to spread the much hoped for news.

Now, you'd never think that cats would hold much love for gossip, now would you?

Chapter 13

'He's coming round now Benny', said a doctor as if to be making a medical diagnosis, 'take your socks away from his nose', slowly but surly Caruso's mind retreated from a dream of his favorite breakfast, with some kind of cheese sauce, which was strange as that's not something he would normally like that?

First the left eye, then the right, not much of a visual Mexican wave, you might be inclined to agree? To see Benny and Herr Doctor T by his side, Benny with a spoon in his mouth, with what looked like a chocolate substance on his lips, his tongue was engaged in cleansing his lips, and spoon, after 2 seconds of eye contact Benny looked away, as if not wanting to let his friend see the depths of his love for the chocolate spread in his soul, the sleeping giant was awakening and it looked hungry too by all accounts

Even Mr Smith turned his head to gaze at how this human could have been brought into his line of vision, nothing seemed to make sense to this animal anymore?
Benny was kneeling on the floor, with 2 had-seen-better-days socks with eager look presiding his face, it was probably all in a days work for T as he stood up and strolled over to look at some photos on the wall.

'So, what's the deale-o with this place, are you house sitting for someone, i didn't know you had an Auntie?
'He doesn't', blurted Benny, 'Do you?' turning to a semi awake patient, 'I mean he bought it yesterday', and Dr T turned to view the patient and nurse as if in wonder, he drew a big breadth and eyed his two friends on the floor

'Do you mean to tell me i was down in the Red velvet lounge after lunch, desperately looking for a crisp $20 note for one last lap dance, going out of my tiny little mind, my dear man mean to tell me, that i have been chasing you for $20 for the past 6 months and now it appears your piggy bank was about the size of King Kong and you could go down to the lounge and buy the damn place, and the girls included?'

'Did you know 'King Kong' was Hitlers favorite movie, which kinda explains...', cutting himself short and looked up, gradually regaining consciousness to take in the ensuing scene with some clarity, the dragon tattoo on his chest under this cotton shirt was beginning to prick up his ears and come to full attention

Caruso growled, 'My dear fellow up until yesterday, i was a nobody, nothing to lose, happy go lucky, sometimes happy, rarely lucky, i had nothing, now the world is mine', which wasn't exactly true, but it sounded like a good response, the Herr Doctor showed his surprise by opening a cupboard to take a peek for any supplies of peanut butter

Well, he did have a chicken farm which was an asset i suppose, he did have a lot of good memories there, for what that's worth to the banking establishment?

Actually farm was more of a liability as it belonged the bank, not to his piggy, King Kong or his Japanese doppelgangers Godzilla bank ('that would have been some sight', he would ponder when walking into the Fast cash savings bank the next day).

But he needed fast cash alright, to keep the financial wolves from his door, the foxes only required a wire fence, in fact the $10,000 would save his neck, he often had nightmares that he was a chicken, and he was the one squawking, getting the chop. Such as life?

To which Caruso added, 'If we were in Japan you would have said a "Piggy bank about the size of Godzilla', 'King Kong never made much of a name for himself there', in fact the King Kong movies where he duels Godzilla, they had 2 separate endings to suit either home crowd, it's funny how people are, isn't it? The home crowd always wants their boy to win'

Gaining composure by the minute, Caruso remembered reading about all the best artists and musician having benefactors, Beethoven had one, but only on the condition he would never have to meet them, wouldn't it be wonderful if i had it the same way?' he nodded, many years ago now, he did learn to play  to play piano, he could play some things, although most of the he just made up his own stuff
'Wouldn't it be like riding a bike?, he quipped as he peered about his home from the ground up, from a differnt point of view you might be inclined to think?

'I have a benefactor', he blurted as T's bedside manner became a bit agitated as the thought of the monetary indifference, confusion and old fashioned difference in dinero that had presented it's ugly neck with the friends.
'Somebody obviously thinks i'm a great talent', and they want to nurture my talents', although, talents in what might be another question? Killing chickens? Trivia? Hardly folks!

Up until now, he didn't really do much or go anywhere, it was just chicken farming and even at that, he wasn't too good with that either, he liked it which helped, he reasoned, at least you'd think so anyways?

Being with the chickens always felt normal to him, he was a benefactor to them in a way, before he morphed into the harvester of sorrow. It was a natural progression you see, if your a chicken that is. He took them to heaven, before he too them to hell. 'He baby, i wanna tell you a little secret', before balm, he's let them have it and a headless chook was shooting blood and running for it's life, it wasn't a cat with 9 lives or 50 Cent with 9 bullets, what would that be in chicken years? And off he'd go, arms flapping and shouting, maybe he was doing an impression of an Italian man pretending to be a talking chicken, one could never be too sure?

The numbers plus the business side of things wasn't really his thing either, who's perfect anyways?

'I suppose so', retorted the good Herr T, not quite sure what he was replying to, his mind hand now turned to food, it was becoming a pressing issue and he didn't want any problem and proceeded to inspect the contents of the fridge as if it might enhance his under standing of the lucrative goings on, he was getting damn hungry too!

His two friends began to discuss the similarities of the patent's new found fortune, forgetting him momentarily as comparisons were being made to movies where by central characters have a bit of an unexpected turn up for the books, Dr T mentioned Trading Places and Pretty Woman, and laughed before remembering to try and make the recovering patient comfortable or at least help him up

None of this mattered to Caruso, as his eyes locked on to Marias face, in his line of vision, displayed over his head, her eye color and facial details being obscured, as if she wore a mask at a masquerade

'You sacuy brid, waht did you do to me?', thought our smiling friend in a reclined position on the wooden floor,  'Did taht rlaely hpaepn? It was qtiue smhtieong', before two pairs of hands swooped on him and lifted him up from the floor and brought him in for land, plonking him on the sofa, you might be glad to know he wasn't seriously hurt, which was just as well from a medical point of view.

After quite some minutes, choosing to remain silent in relation his dream, it might be better if i take a quick peek at dream meanings online, before i go putting my neck on it? He surmised as he listened to his peers debate possible endings, on screen and off screen to his life. That's the thing about Happy ending's reassured Benny, you always know they are coming, he did have a point, but was there another point on the other side?

And then the phone rang, the patients phone in fact, 'Rancho relaxo, Caruso J Sundance speaking', to which an irate caller squeaked, 'I tried calling you earlier, what's up Cowboy and what's up with the J Sundance business, are you applying for jobs or something?'

'No babe, it would appear, i have a benefactor..' pausing, '...like Beethoven' and before long, his hands were moving as if to conduct the words emanating from his mouth, shaping them into sentences, some more adjectives than nouns or pronouns, was this a case of blatant grammatical discrimination?

As he himself grasped the benefactor experience in chronological order, (the mind doesn't work that way, he should have know that) of the turn of events to cast shade on his sunny disposition.

He began to visualize what was happening, where it was going on as his eyes looked from left to right momentarily stopping to notice the cat and dog in the corner of the room as if in discussion, 'Now there's a life', he reflected as he returned his concentration to one Daisy Bee Bop, his girlfriend of one year' that was communicating with him through the item in his hand, not that he saw relationships as long term, it defiantly wasn't long distance, he was going with the flow because that's the kind of guy that he is

Before long, Daisy B, as he liked to call her was out the door and en route to Rancho Relaxo to assist in any further medical treatment, looking up at his com-padre Cowboys debate other benefactor themed movies and their artistic merit in animated hand gesture's

'Maybe their daddies are Italian too?' he mused as the surveyed the floor for the animals that were no where to be seen

Chapter 12

Herr Doctor T was out strolling by the cafe district, better know to him and his comrade cowboy outfit as the 'Booty street', as he passed a blue pay telephone up on main st, a poster of a cute kitty caught his predator eyeballs, aren't cats predators too reader? Maybe it was a mutual recognition of two souls, not that Doctor T would have known this as he moved in closer within striking distance.

T was smoking a pipe and made a kissing noise with every inhale of toxic smoke, easily recognizable to all that were love hungry that afternoon as they gazed into their coffees, as a Gypsy woman might in reading signs of future good fortune, not that the good doctor saw smoking as a bad hobby to have.

He did swap a crack pipe for the good old fashioned tobacco kind he recanted one night when he was out with the boys, commonly known as 'The cowboys', everyone nodded and seemed to unanimously agree, it was a step in the right direction, no one could disagree a health improvement for Dr T indeed, but the subject of secondary smoke was debatable?

His real name by the way was not Doctor T, and where 'Herr' came from was anybody guess? You dont need to know his real name, everybody calls him Doctor T, not that he minded not being called Doctor T, Dr Seuss wasn't a real doctor and look how far he want in life!

And after all it did give him a feeling of worthiness in society, in fact his only experience in science was that one time he tried cooking up crack cocaine, and T part came from Mr T, from the A-Team, the 1980's show, if you get a mohawk when your 15 and a turn of events like that could happen to you,  so you might have to ask your mummy first kids!!

The poster, on closer inspection displayed bold text, 'Have you seen me?', with the cutsy wootsiest kitty kat, with an adorable face (guys if you had a face like that your girlfriend would never leave you, your wife wouldn't either, you could even ask for a bit of three way action and the chances of a positive reply would be likely!)

The bottom of the poster on closer inspection displayed, 'Because i am awesome'

And you had to agree, it did look like a nice companion, a babe magnet too! And he thought about the state of his love life when his telephone began to ring, a ring like no other 34 year old doctors, it was the start of 'Master of puppets, by Metalllica, in Dr T opinion, the best band ever live, full stop.

Switching his attention from the feline to his phone, he answered the call, the call was from Benny
'Hello Benny', 'Hey T', said an exasperated caller, come quick, i think Caruso's dead or something', after giving a few  details, Dr T said, 'Are you eating Benny?', 'Yeah, it's only some chicken, why, do you want me to save you some?' and before long, Dr T was on his way, wondering what if in fact he did go to college and live up to his name sake, was there even still time?

And headed for the address Benny gave him on Oak st, leaving the posted image of the most cutsy wootsy kitty cat, better known to you and i as Mr Magoo, all to himself on Booty st, with babes galore checking out his pin up poster, one or two thinking of taking him home, on paper, the face value was irrefutable 

Chapter 11

Caruso's head was pounding, he was beginning to think this might be the worst hangover in history, maybe the history of mankind or however long man has been making alcohol, he wasn't quite sure how long and he made a mental note to find out the next time he went online.

Of, course all this was happening before the mouse at the controls in his brain gave the instructions to 'Open sesame' in the old eye department, One quarter of the human brain is used to control the eyes, and boy! Whoo, it sure felt it too! It was all a bit early in the morning for multi tasking and he was hungover bad, or so he thought?

'Are you ok?', came the voice for a woman, sitting in the chair next to the bed. 'What, where am i?', now his brain was becoming more engaged in taking in what was going on around him, 'You had a had a bad fall, you stood up on the chair to look at me, do you remember?'

'Hmm, dont...' and he tried sit up and take in just where he was, it didn't look familiar to him, he wasn't in the chicken farm and it definitely wasn't the house in Oak st, judging by the big chandelier, the room was big enough to play frisbee in, who would have a room that big he thought? There were oil paintings on the walls, detailed painting on the ceiling, the bed was the softest thing he ever slept in, it was like sleeping on a cloud!

It was turning out be quite a strange day as his eyes began to focus on the woman in front of him

'It couldn't be', he muttered. 'It's me', she said. 'But your the girl, the statue! Maria?' Actually, my name is Alexandria, actually, Countess Alexandria Von Coco, but you can call me Maria, i think Maria is kinda cute and i think your kinda cute and she planted a big kiss on his forehead'

'Mamma Mia', uttered the chicken farmer and he very nearly pinched himself, but stopped himself mid way, if this was a dream he thought, better not bail out now, how often do you wake up in a room like an art gallery, the size of a football field with a queen or what ever it was all about? 'Am i dead, could i be in heaven?', he gulped, and if he was, he certainly didn't have any complaints, not yet anyways!

Maybe he could hold off the pinching stuff off until things got a bit heated, that or if he had to do the dishes and in a place like this, they were sure to have a dishwasher, gods greatest gift to mankind, it certainly looked like the kind of place that could afford one, not that he knew how to use one, but he knew what it looked like, and where to find it, usually, sometimes he would just chuck dishes in the bin and, 'cut out the middleman', he would normally say, what ever that meant? Reader, your guess is as good as mine.

But that was only when he was thinking outside the box, the box being his brain, it's just that sometimes there wasn't much going on inside the box, it was more a case of a mouse asleep at the wheel, when it came to any domestic duties anyways, after all, he was hardly a house cat, that was Mr Magoo's department after all

The patient steadily sat up in bed and was beginning to take Maria in as he came to observe every detail of her face and body, her blue eyes. 'Ah, ha', he said out loud, his first question already answered, her eye color which could not have been revealed in the marble, was revealed clear as daylight, although still a little bit fuzzy as he began to drink her features, her long black hair, her tanned complexion, her lips were full and sensuous, not a trace of make up, this was real beauty that was staring back at him folks, as he rubbed his eyes just to make sure and glanced over both shoulders, there was no one else there next to him as slowly the fact started to seep into his brain, as if by osmoses that, yep, you guessed it, 'She's looking at you buddy!'

It was like something out of a dream, something he hoped he'd never wake up from, dream or not, if truth be told, this woman was in fact flawless, what a chicken farmer/Real estate investor was doing in her vicinity was the next question? For all intense purposes, she had the appearances of the kind of girl that could take him out and show him a good time and just what the hell would be wrong with that? As he tried to read the features of the angelic woman that was by his side, as he opened his lips to verbalize his thoughts

'People with blue eyes are better able to see in the dark', he said as he gazed into Countess Von Coco's soul, as if he was he finally was gazing into a field, where the grass actually was greener on the other side, but blue, sky blue and not a cloud in sight, quite an unexpected rebound from the tumble in the kitchen, if his life was a stock report, it would look like the mountain range he could see from the outdoor toilet, while perched on the seat, a whole series of ups and downs, and hey, things were starting to look up again, the sky was the limit, although the pain in his head was dragging the party down.

'Oh you', she giggled, 'you are to lie down and take it easy, you must rest, you know, no one much paid me interest in that house, you were the first to pay me any attention, real attention' said Maria as she passed the patient a glass of water.
'Are you hungry, dear?' She inquired, 'Does the pope wear a funny hat?', replied the patient of Château Coco, a Château built in the 15th century by the Maria's ancestors as a ornate glass of water came maneuvered by a hand the size of a Peach, to his lips.

People, our boy Caruso truly was in heaven, and then he began to wonder what possible delights he could order, was there a menu? Did they have a Chef? Would he be able to order eggs Benedict?
Even if he wasn't really in heaven, it would be heaven, in an eggs Benedict kind of way, it was all in the sauce he reflected, licking his lips, but he really didn't want to get into all that now, not just yet anyways as he suddenly felt drowsy

Right now, he needed something for his pounding headache, which prompted the following words from his vocal chords, 'Do you have any paracetamol tablets Maria?"

'Sorry, Caruso' offered his Countess, 'This is the year 1854, paracetamol hasn't been invented yet', 'I can get the maid to get you some herbal tea', that or you'll have to tough it out like a good soldier, 'What about Eggs Benedict?, 'If you can give the chef the instructions', 'thy will be done' smiled his Countess

'I'll be ok', he reflected, a bit more perturbed that one of his favorite foods could not be sourced, not that he could describe Eggs Benedict, for all he was concerned, it was magical, something that was and would be indescribable, to him anyways, not that he didn't sometimes have a way with words, right now his hands were by his side it seemed that he needed to have his hands at eye level as if he was the conductor of the orchestra of his thoughts, after all, his daddy was Italian, or so the story goes?

Before placing an order for breakfast from the waitress AKA Countess Alexandria Von Coco AKA Maria, he Caruso AKA 'Head the ball', drifted off to sleep and dreamt the dream of a man that had died and gone to heaven and was now feasting on a dish that consists of two halves of an English muffin, topped with bacon (always bacon!), poached eggs and Hollandaise sauce

Sound familiar?

Chapter 10

Some say 'Familiarity breeds contempt', the more you know a person, the more you dislike them, or not? For some, by not knowing a person, or even themselves, it enables them to load others up with a world of expectations, only to have their hopes and dreams, some false shattered

Caruso looked up from the half empty shell of roast Chicken, that was in the process of meeting it's roast chicken fate, his eyes moved to the statue, Maria to be specific, for what other statue had ever captivated a man of 35 years old, for god's sake his hands were clamming up, his breaths were becoming shallow, must have been something to do with the food he thought as Benny, ate a chocolate and chicken sandwich, noting out of the ordinary there, or so it seemed?

Could it have been down to good old fashioned love at first sight? Who knows what goes on inside the mind of a chicken farmer? Do you need to know that he was once an altar boy? Not even he could tell you the feeling he was experiencing, one thing that could be said is he was hooked and like a fish being reeled in, not that he put up a struggle, it was akin to the myth of a Koi fish from Japan, when on the chopping block, it knows it's going to Koi heaven, it does not struggle, it accepts it's fate, not like the chickens that met their untimely deaths on his chopping block, but that dear reader is but another story

Leaving Benny to devour the rest of the hap hazard feast on the floor, Caruso stood up and walked over to the statue to gain a better view point, keeping eye contact with Maria, something was familiar sure, that was the strange thing, but he wasn't so sure, what he did see was some writing at the base bust, so he did what any inquisitive hot blooded male would do, he maneuvered his head for a closer inspection, by way of standing on a rickety brown chair, that had seen better days

Why the chair was probably older than Jesus, but none of that mattered, his curiosity was burning after threatening to spontaneously combust, and only the words carved in stone, displayed up above would quench his insatiable thirst for this precious knowledge, curiosity killed the cat and Magoo's cat senses were tuned to the frequency of roast chicken 104.8 FM

The human mind when reading, only reads the first and last letter of a word, when interpreting the meaning of a word, if the first letter and last letter is in the right place, the word can be understood, spelling mistakes, enlightened people might feel compelled tell to impart to you, well there are no spelling mistakes, your words, mistakes and all are unique to you, your words are as unique as your finger print, spell check is a tool that cleanses your paragraphs of any trace that you were there and who would want to do that?

'Oh Miraa, waht ttruh, setcres are ceoitnnad biehnd yuor eeys, i'ts lkie yo'uve ceptruad my suol and i hvae csat off, slniiag the saes of my suol', he whispered to himself as he came closer

The words he sought were carved in stone, 'Countess Von Coco', interesting thought Caruso as he peered into the Countess's eyes as if to try and unlock or gleam information contained, not that he could tell the the eye color or anything mysterious, after all the bust was marble

He shifted his feet to inform Benny, of his remarkable discovery, maybe it could have been the excess of feasting bouncing around in his belly that made the front leg of the rickety chair give way, maybe not? Call it fate if you like? What we do know is, Caruso spent the next 2 seconds pondering the life and times of this new lady, who was she? Would the internet shed any light on this mysterious lady? Where did she come from?

There were so many questions, to be answered and even more to be posed, serendipity had popped it's head into his life, he felt like his luck was changing and now his uneventful life flashed before his eyes while plummeting to the grounded (who said he couldn't multi task?)

Thoughts of his first chicken kill, walking home in the rain from school, that time that he thought he invented masturbation, the first time he saw the blue blue sea to watching monkeys having sex in the zoo, all these events that made him the man, to the bear market decent in the world of trivial events, it was a day of extreme high and lows

A decent in the world, aided by gravity and a belly full of crackers, cheese, bread, chicken and chocolate, the meal lacked the usual zest of coco cola, is there not always room for improvement?

But dear reader, it was his first day in his new home and beggars couldn't be choosers and after all, he didn't like to sweat the small stuff, which was nice to say to yourself in a mirror while you gun down the highway in a red Honda civic, in theory, but it didn't really translate in practice, not if saw a grown man throwing tofu burgers from the fridge freezer at a passing duck with part suspicion, part disgust (and what percentage is anybody guess?)

After all, who wants some exotic disease, and two ducks ran for cover from incoming tofu

As the ground now approached like a speeding train, the pattern of the wooden floor came closer into view, 'Defiantly Oak flooring', Caruso grunted before passing out, a loud crash and thud startled Mr Magoo from deep concentration, or maybe it was a form of cat meditation?

Up until now the sole feline focus was acquiring any of the chicken being consumed in his homestead by these intruders, this would be his chance he reflected, not a bad day after all, Magoo had never seen humans such as these and it would be quite some time before he would again

As he moved closer now, in a sort of hesitant first aid capacity, Benny was forced to choose eating the remainder of the roast chicken over helping his best friend and selecting a drum stick, just to help him calm his nerves.

'Eureka' whispered Magoo as he moved closer to his dinner, although how a cat could quote Archimedes is anybody's guess?

Chapter 9

Caruso entered the house and viewed each item as having an identity of it's own, it's funny how since all the stuff he saw took on an entirely new meaning, it was like he was now attaching meaning, to the meaningless, somehow life was beginning to make sense.

So he walked over to the phone and called the only person close to him that might understand what it might be like to be Caruso J Sundance right now and called Benny.

Now, Benny and himself shared similar views like music, food (sometimes when they went for all you can eat at the Chinese buffet, they literally ate more than they could eat (and suffered as a consequence for days), women were another thing they agreed on, not that Benny ever had a girlfriend, he never needed one anyway, after all, he had his mom.

And anyways, he was after all only 34, 'Plenty of time for me in that department' some times he would tell his mothers friends, 'To land the right fish, you need the right bait', and wait for them to nod and agree with him, after all it made perfect sense, to anyone with sense that is!

It was easy to agree with Benny on most things, what was not to like? But i did say most things and not all things, one of the biggest things about Benny, well the trouble with Benny was he had a fear of all things to do with nature, for Benny if he couldn't see nature on TV, it probably wasn't worth looking at in nature, his room didn't even have windows!
So you can imagine a house visit from him at the farm was a bit much, him coming Oak st, was no problem, he could drive, even though he lived around the corner, that's another thing about his best friend, he thinks walking is for losers.

But what they both shared an interest was in music, Benny once said, 'Sundance, there are only two kinds of people in the world, those conceived to the Jay Z Album, The black album and those conceived to The Beetles, The white album' and along comes a DJ called Danger mouse mixes them and we get 'The Grey album', boom!' As if it was the big bang all over, the beginning of the universe which it was, for Benny anyways and did a hand explosion mime and looked up at the light fitting, which was a bit like the Sun for him, not that he spent much time out doors either, sunblock? He never got exposed to sun long enough to need the stuff?

A doctor once told him mother years ago that he had, 'Nature deficit disorder', not that any of that was important now, he was grown up now, he knew what he liked and besides that was years ago.

Benny wasn't sure if he had the right address, or if this was another one of Caruso's phases, he was informed to come over, 'To see my new place, i've come into a bit of money' and he still had the $10,000, minus the cost of 2 chocolate bars and a bottle of coke, he needed to have breakfast, a man cant run on empty you know?

Not that any of this made any sense to Mr Magoo, as he wagged his tail as if to indicate WTF is going on here?
There might be different kinds of sense, but all his senses, including cat sense were failing to comprehend the situation at large, Mr Smith, the Labrador looked at Mr Magoo for a sign, anything to indicate whether he should bark or go up for a pat and maybe belly rub, but if the cat knew something, it wasn't giving it up, cats can be like that, it was a cats life, sure, but he was doing just fine being a dog right now

'Benny, my dear fellow, please open the door and just let yourself in', came a familiar voice
Dude, are you breaking in or something, i don't want to get arrested in one of your little stunts, he was always in and out of phases, that was pretty much his reason for some of the things he does, it's just a phase i'm going through from the cleaning frenzy where he claimed to see bacteria, the money he lost on horse betting to the piercing and tattoos he got, and he still has them in fact, so i guess that little phase hasn't run it's course yet?
Do you need to know about the time the drive was broken on his car, so instead he reversed everywhere, well thats Benny in a nutshell

And for trivia, Caruso's pet subject, did it matter in knowing that there are 7 colors in a rainbow? Or that the band U2 were once known as 'Feedback', it just did not register on the richter scale of his world.

'Why Benny come on up' said a man wearing a fur coat at the top of the stair case, 'Dude, this is serious man, you could get jail for this, i mean if someone comes back and catches us?', ' No problem', said Caruso, 'i own everything' and he began explaining to his guest the latest change on fortune that befell him, it did feel good to tell someone, some one that cared and then Caruso phone rang, it was Daisy, his girlfriend, he's call her back later, some things were more important and retold the story, careful not to leave out any facts or figures, if it didn't make sense to him, what chance would Benny have?

'And it all fits in with a dream i had last week' said Caruso, i had a dream i found major dinero under my bed. But i didn't take it, but i had thought's of claiming the big prize', well Caruso, finders are keepers i guess? Said Benny and moved around the house to inspect it and the contents, stopping to look, admire, sometimes bemused, but not with wonder, half this stuff was made in the 60's, it might as well have been in a museum for all the value Benny could muster in his body

'You want that old statue' said Benny, 'Not Maria, she's mine' replied Caruso tersely as he turned to look his friend in the eye, 'No problems, Caruso, i'm half starved, you have any food in this place?'
'Yeah', and off the two friends went to see what wondrous food taste's they might have in common with an old lady, do old people even like peanut butter? Where is the cheese? What were bran flakes for, none of his Trivia education came to light, you certainly couldn't eat them, like ever! Maybe the bran flakes were for the dog?

All this and scavenging for food watched on by Mr Magoo, he couldn't but help but admire the intruders ability eat food when they wanted, and it wasn't even their food, clever he thought, it was certainly something he had never thought of, 'interesting', he meowed, he would have to keep an eye on these two

And after all you cant teach old dogs new tricks, dogs were a bit stupid, Magoo had been around the traps and he was a cat, he learnt something new ever day, but he was at quite a loss to figure what was going on here? Mt Smith had long given up on his standoff and was now eating some corned beef and getting a pat, 'disgusting, just like a dog' he commented.

Not that any of this made sense to Countess Maria, from her bird's eye location as she wondered what the future had in store for her now these cowboys were on the scene? 'Could they be homosexuals?' she thought? That answer was answered by Benny licking some chocolate spread off of the floor, 'interesting' she thought

Chapter 8

As Caruso, pulled up at the appointed time, he spied Edith standing on the lawn with 2 bags as she scanned the territory, the place that was home until he opened that letter from this benefactor and these unexpected turn of events got under way, maybe seeing the home that was her home, up until she signed the dotted line when her lawyer came over for lunch in a new way.
Seeing something she had not noticed before, maybe a plant or a rock? As Edith pivoted to take it all in? Maybe for the last time, she reminisced as inhaling the ambiance one more time

But, he reasoned as he got out of the strawberry colored car, 'Business is business' and he was a business man, as a gleaming Edith Robinson approached, 'Hello Mr Sundance', pipped Edith, 'I have just been in touch with your legal representation, everything seems to be in order, he told me that you were a great lover of pets and my pets will be well taken care of. I cant tell you how delighted i am to hear that!'

If you could call Caruso a lover of pets or anything that wasn't covered in peanut butter, you were a better person, for if it really were to be known, he saw himself as a kill or be kill, live and live, lover? 'Well, it is a changing world', he reflected, 'we all have to move with the times, sooner or later'

But as far as pets in general, he just didn't seem to care, or mind for that matter, it wasn't something that never really came up in the chicken business, but that was about to change and Caruso was willing to change, a world was beginning to open for him too, he felt over the moon, all the smiling was beginning to catch on too, not that he never did before, maybe he was beginning to enjoy himself and it was beginning to show, he did certainly feel good

Oh, i'm so happy Mr Sundance. Mr Eagle has transferred the funds, my lawyer has approved the deal, and now i can take a trip and get to know my sister in Germany, i'm not going to live forever, and i have been meaning for so long to do all the things i'm going to now do, how can i ever thank you?

'Familiarity breeds contempt' thought Caruso, which it actually does. Jean Paul Satrtre once commented that 'Hell is other people', the truth is the more you know someone, chances you'll like them less, which is interesting how people nowadays know so little of their neighbors, but know what some actress in Hollywood had for breakfast.

Would this lady thank him if she knew him all her life? People tend to like other's due to the hopes we have for them, and not who they are. Not that we dont all want best friends, it's just that people will at times disappoint and if you cant handle that, you might be in the wrong business? In Brazil, they say the difference between your friend and your best friend is, your best friend will always screw you over, maybe it's just that best friends are a hell you haven't met yet, so dont get too close, you'll get burnt if you cant handle the truth.

Not that any of this mattered, not now, he was here on business, not pleasure, he had to be professional, he had been practicing a smile while driving on the way over, something that conveyed, 'a fake it till you make it, not yet, but one day would

More like a smile he one day could grow into, something that had 'winner' written all over it, winners after all are grinners and Caruso had the biggest grin, one in which he was trying to tame as if a Lion tamer, at the Circus trying to get a the Lion to jump through the hoop, success, he could smell the success like the lion smells fear and he was ready for this, and he was sober too, as i said, he was being professional!

Without delay, Edith's bags were loaded into a cab and off she went to to spend the night with a friend, she was getting an early flight, yesterday Germany felt like a world away, now Germany was a day away and a new world of possibilities and now she had regained a passion for life to make her life story complete, after all she was beginning to feel younger by the minute, was there any point is wasting any more time except to give instructions on caring for her pets, which were Mr Magoo, the cat and Mr Smith, the Labrador, Hell is other people, but surly not their pets?

Time being such a precious commodity after you hit a certain age and Edith knew it, the value of money declines in the Time/Money equation, maybe the things you get most from life have nothing to do with money, maybe it takes a lifetime to realize this, and then it's all over?

Some people realize that the age to enjoy certain activities passes you by as you get older, you wont get time back, sure you can got to South America when your 70 years old, but it wont be as good if you went when you were 25 years old. Same same, but different!

The sooner you accept responsibility for the way your life is, the sooner you can get down to living the life maybe you were destined to live, now our boy Caruso is pushing on too, it had taken him 5 years to get used to being 30 and now he was 35, you could see just under the mugshot on his license if you like?

If there was ever a reason to get a knife, not to do any self harm mind you, but just to cut his favorite bacteria into precise slices and to not have to look at that damn date of birth when he wanted a cheese sandwich, that would be one reason, but now he would have a kitchen full of stuff to play with, maybe his troubles would be over, life on easy st, Oak st, not a chicken in sight maybe there would be a cheese grater in the house, that certainly would sweeten the deal he reminded himself, licking his lips

Every time you view your license it tells you how old you are, when he uses his plastic make shift cheese knife, it tells Caruso how much time he has left, the average male lives to about 78.9 years old here in Australia, 81.2 if he was a female, it's true he thought to himself, 'I lose out by a 2.3 years being a guy, but it's worth it, i dont think i'd be cut out to drink wine, iron clothes and spend an hour every morning brushing my hair', 'I'd be driven crazy', an early death couldn't come any quicker, the sooner the better if you cared to ask him

All this and more came to mind as Edith made a quick exit and Caruso turned around and felt like a Prince, surveying the land, his land and he remembered the princess inside, Maria baby i'm coming as he picked up his bag and walked towards the front door, eyeballing the lion knocker on the front door as he said, 'Who's boss now? Not so tough now, are you?' as he entered his home, feeling a bit hungry and thinking a cheese sandwich might be in order?

Chapter 7

The next day, when Caruso awoke from a deep slumber, the post man had come and gone, in the red post box for Sundance farm, there was a letter requesting a meeting with a Mr Henry 'Legal' Eagle, from Legal Eagles Lawyer's, he also spied an opened beer from his little celebration drink the night before, which multiplied into such a number as to make a drink equal to 'drinks', no longer a singular, but a plural, how many he had was anybody's guess, he certainly didn't expect to be celebrating in style every day, in his the new career of real estate, or which ever way fate was directing him?

It's not every day you get to close a big deal and Caruso wasn't going to miss out in this opportunity to give himself a little pat on the back, but one thing was for sure, if you hit the bars hard, the next day it's the bars that hit you

While staring at the letter, being absorbed by the texture of the paper, the font, the new words, most he would have to look up, he was taking a proactive approach, 'You have to learn the ropes' he reassured himself.

Thinking that he had nothing to lose and something to gain, he could make a beeline over to the Legal Eagle offices for a little look see, and to find out just what was going on from a legal point of view of course.
If by any chance someone threw a little light on what was going on, the more the better, as his head was beginning to pound, right now, nothing made much sense

The windfall of serious dinero was making him uncomfortable as he was expecting someone to pop up and ask for it all back and anyways, he had already committed (in his head anyways) to 4 new tires for the Honda, so there was no going back now!

At 2pm, Caruso presented himself (financial papers under his arm, as it by some strange chance a transfer of information from the publication to the tips of his brain cells) at the offices of this 'Legal' Eagle, wearing a tuxedo he bought from a second hand store and a smile, not quite sure what to expect, 'You have to dress to impress', he told the old woman at the checkout, 'you have a nice wedding party young man', she said as he exited the shop, she thought it was nice that people still believed in marriage, it was a changing world you know?

Things certainly were looking up now he was looking the part with his new second hand suit and if the meeting was going to drag on, he had cheese sandwiches, freshly cut cheese with a visa card that morning, 'Is there any finer use for my flexable friend', now you had to give him credit for thinking outside the box

Caruso was shown into a meeting room, a gentleman about 45 years old sat at the end of the room, he was reading from a blue folder and did not appear to notice Caruso's entrance

Unsure of how to proceed, not knowing what to say, to commence the conversation, Caruso did what any god fearing sometimes a Christian would have done, he coughed
It wasn't so much a cough, probably more like a, 'Agh hem', to which the gentleman looked in his direction and waved him to sit, so he sat.

'My name is Henry Eagle', he started 'people call me Legal', 'Hi Mr Legal', replied Caruso, and the conversation was off the starting blocks, 'Thank god for that', he thought as the time seemed to drag on forever

You might be wondering why the all the letters? And congratulations for negotiating the sale of that house on Oak st for us.
'No problem', replied Caruso as he settled back into his chair, imagining himself in a meeting room, not a chicken in sight, where the people he worked with would come to hear him talk and lead them into the future, 'but this is my first day', he mused', 'so i wont try and do everything at once'

It wasn't until Legal, looking at him solemnly said 'benefactor', it was one of the words he learnt in the real estate book, which was at this very moment flattening his cheese sandwiches which really didn't matter anyways, there's just no escape for you, if your tasty bacteria cut crudely with a bit of plastic and wedged between 2 slices of bread, 'Fuel for the fire', he said licking his lips as he anticipated every mouthful in his minds eye

But did his ears pick up with these new words? It was if for the first time new and important information was being conveyed to him and words he had not heard before were the only vehicle available to traverse these thoughts, now this was news to him.
My client has decided to at this point remain anonymous, but is very enthusiastic in helping you in your current living and working condition.

It is my clients wish that you vacate where you currently live and move to the dwelling you purchased yesterday, it's now yours, i believe the house comes with contents, so i guess you'll just need your bags, oh you'll be able to walk in the door and make a cup of tea! Wont that be convenient for you? You'll be at home the moment you enter the door.

As per the instructions, can you please meet the lady at 25 Oak st, Mrs Robinson and get her keys at 3pm?

'Oak st?' as if to remember something, 'Did you know that a mature oak tree can draw up to 50 or more gallons of water per day? Enquired Caruso, 'No, no i didn't know that', said the man in the brown suit, but it sounds like you've been doing your homework? Adding, 'Thats good to see' as he wrote in his yellow legal pad.

Standing up to leave Legal said, 'My client will be in contact with you, please take this time to get acquainted with your new home and surroundings' and with that the man left the room, leaving Caruso alone to face the board room members he was eyeballing as he imagined himself protesting against the injustice of the pollution levels in the world, his imaginary audience rapt in his awe, as he practiced his killer instinct look, he had been refining that look for quite some time now, but not with convincing success, plus he seemed to have better luck when he smiled, but i guess it was good to know you could pull out the, 'big guns', if smiling became too much? But, maybe it was all part of looking the part?

In 10 minutes Caruso found himself negotiating the traffic as he pointed the Honda, better knows as the Strawberry in the direction of Oak st, and off he went, to home sweet home, 'What a day', he recanted as the pulled in front of 25 Oak st for the 2nd time, this time the proud owner, like he said, 'It's shaping up to be quite a day indeed!'

Chapter 6

You know, most people tell me i'm crazy to out with a chicken farmer, but they don't know him like i know him, but not like it's without any trying moments, no ones perfect right?,

I mean i could go out with any guy i like, you know? What i like about Caruso is, he's so knowledgeable about stuff, he knows stuff even experts don't know, like the time he ran out to tell the paper boy that 'There is no proof full page or double-truck ads are more effective than half page ads' as he cycled past on his paper route or the time he asked the milk man 'If he knew who was the first man to milk a cow and what did he think he was doing? His mind is just so inquisitive like that, so i guess he just cant help being brainy and stuff?

But it's not like everybody around here thinks like me, but like i told yea, it's not everybody knows him like i know him, you just have to get to know him, i guess, in time it comes in any relationship? My sister Boo boo or Boo for short said, 'I can see how anyone could love him...in about 20 years', but for me it kinda happened a lot faster than that? No point beating around the bush i guess? And anyways, i saw him first!

I remember the first time i met Caruso, i was parking my car in the town, about a year ago now, i remember because it was a 1 hour parking zone and i needed $1 for parking, well as i was putting the change in to the meter, a red car pulled up and out popped an Italian looking gentleman and i remember the first thing he said, it was, 'Excuse me, but did you know that the first parking meters were installed in 1935 in Oklahoma City', now that's in America! Just how would he know? I just thought there and then, now there's a man that knows a thing or two about the world and he know what was going on in America too, that a sign of education, yea know?

I thought he was sort of European at first, or sort of exotic somehow and then he told me his name, i remember as i stared into his eyes as i though us sailing off to Greece on his yacht somewhere, but then i found out he owned a chicken farm 5kms away, he's got some ducks too, and a watch with Donald Duck on it, he said something about it being 'tax deductible?' Which is kinda funny, which just proves how smart he is, but he doesn't have to show off all time!

But, just imagine my surprise as i though, 'God, i don't have to go too far for this one, i could get the bus to see him?' Not that i wouldn't want to jet off to Greece, i would yea know in 2 minutes? But, it's just never come up, maybe one day? And anyways i wouldn't want to go anywhere 'A-Tonic' cant go, thats my cat, i have him a year ago. Caruso gave him to me on our first date, my sister Boo said that it was irresponsible to give a live animal, but what would she know?
Caruso said to Boo, 'What am i supposed to do, kill the cat and then give it to her?' and i guess that was that, now he's mine too!

To tell you the truth, why would you listen to someone that walks around wearing odd socks all the time, anyways she's just jealous of my cat, 'A-Tonic', he's great, and he's a good listener too, we have some really great times together.

What more can i tell you? I'm a vegetarian, when it comes to meat, that's A-Tonics department, Caruso too, although you'd never believe it, but Caruso would eat anything, pizza, day and night, drunk or sober.
But sometimes he can act up a bit, especially when some one interrupts one of his jokes to compliment my sausages? I've mean how can you lie to someone through a vegan sausage 10 minutes after they ate it? But i guess he just likes..., well i guess ignorance is bliss, isn't it?

Love

  Daisy Bee-Bop

Chapter 5

By now, your probably wondering who this Caruso J Sundance guy is and just what the hell is going on here?

Well, what's not to say about our boy, legend has it his is daddy was a traveling sales man, he had an accent or something? He was banned from most farms, all the ladies just loved his daddy, some more than others of course and Caruso was the end result in one of those visits, i guess you could say it would have been his first ever involvement in 'Closing the deal', maybe he was more experienced and he just never knew it? The mind boggles with that fellow and just what goes on in his mind is anybody's guess?

Some say that a kid that grows up with a single mom is pretty much married to her, i don't know if i agree, but his mother had her moments, she died a few years ago, but he still likes talks to her sometimes, he's talked to lots of people over the years, most of them you cant actually see, but he's talked to them all the same, 'that all that counts', he would often remind himself

And in the case of 35 year old Caruso, he wasn't so much a thinker as much as he spent his life just putting one foot in front of the other, of course he was going around and round like the carousel in his mind or like a sex mad canine chasing its tail, but at least it was good exercise? And it did give him something to do!

His mother gave him his name as it sounded exotic, which is kind of true as Carusos friend Bennie Harris, middle name 'sexual' commented on Carusos eating habits, Caruso, 'You will die if you eat anymore Pizza', in truth, that was just another cycle he was going through, and he ate pizza for breakfast, lunch and dinner, which was a bit of strange dietary advice coming from Bennie, he did consider beer and chocolate as dinner? Different strokes for different folks i suppose?

He grew up like any other kid i guess, he liked sports, insects, hated vegetables, crusts on bread and school. If he didn't love it or hate, it was because he hadn't experienced it, not at that age anyways?

Not making the academic grade, Caruso opted wisely and practically to learn the family trade at 'Sundance eggs', not that he had a lot of options, not with his talents anyways, so he decided to put his talents to use and maybe discover himself through the chicken business and the lure of immediate cash kinda sealed the deal, on him and his life so far, until now.

Maybe i'm painting our friend in a bad light, it hasn't been too doom and gloom, what Caruso does like is Trivia, not useful trivia or anything you would want to know, all he knows is useless stuff and Trivial at that, it's pretty much is strong point actually?

If it doesn't need to be know, he knows it, but if he needed to know it, he wouldn't know it at all, it's like he's somehow a genius that will discovered when the irrelevant world becomes somehow relevant?

His mother often shook her head at amazement at him, somehow he never seemed to know which way was up, but he would be able to tell you how many kilometers it was to the moon, 384,399 km? It was enough to make you laugh, which everyone did of course.

Soon after a while of this, Caruso just gave up telling people things like 'A rat can last longer without water than a camel' or 'Every person has a unique tongue print' he pointed out one day to the milkman, 'A female ferret will die if it goes into heat and cannot find a mate.' he told the teacher or 'Donald Duck comics were banned in Finland because he doesn't wear pants.' his mother was informed one night as she went out on a date

'Some people just aren't interesting', he mused, 'that or they're all stupid?' What was strange for him was how he had to go to school to learn stuff, but he couldn't remember that stuff, but he could remember the stuff he read by himself out side school, life was strange like that for a while and they had a name for it, it was called 'Trivia'.

All he knew was Trivial, nothing compete, just one big heap of irrelevant stuff you could never link together in a logical way in a fashion so someone would think on the off chance that you are smart? Like jigsaw pieces that never fit no matter which way you try and put them together, i guess you could say, not too many people got him?

Since he got into the family business, none of the stuff at school about Maths, Geography, Science, seriously, since he showed no interest, he could never understand why he had to go? It wasn't any particular thing he disliked, it was pretty much all of it, from having to get out of bed, to coming home from school. That was major people, there was nothing trivial about it at the time

Not that the chickens minded about a caretaker that savored academia and if truth be told, he couldn't think of a science experiment that wouldn't end in an explosions, and not that he'd want to anyways, but he couldn't think of one, he did try!

   

All these experiences have led up to 35 year old Caruso J Sundance, being the kinda, all round knowledge freak, a know nothing guy that is right before you, is that what you wanted to know?

What else do you need to know? He likes Westerns, any meat, cooked even better. He doesn't really know what he's like, not until he finds himself reacting to situations, like the time he nearly blew up at a BBQ after eating a vegetarian sausage?
How would anybody be able to foresee one minute a grown man tell everyone coming in the door that he was 'So gangsta? and after dinner holding his throat, crying and screaming when he found out 'the truth' about a sausage?

Thats not normal you know, not around here anyways!

Or am i suppose to laugh or something? And i have know him since kindergarden, on his first day of school he rocked up in a chicken outfit and i had to sit next to him, i said, 'Do you think your a chicken or something', he said, 'I'm Caruso, what's your name?, i said, 'I'm Benny', so i guess you could say the rest is history?

So continuing with out story, so if its a lesson in ethology your after and study the behavior of this strange animal, you wont find more stranger! I don't know about exotic?
Or maybe you want to know how you too, a Chicken farmer could achieve similar success

Well, just keep on reading!


   Bennie

p.s.
Oh yeah, and he's got a girlfriend, i would have said earlier but i just thought it wasn't all that important?

Chapter 4

By your probably wondering, how one day a chicken farmer with one shoe could be chasing escaped chickens one week and the next week closing a million dollar deal? While, smelling of fish, well take a ticket, your not the only one

Really, if only they could see him now, what would they think of the guy that lived in a house full of chickens? Well that's what the rumor was anyways?

Well all this real estate business started the previous day when Caruso J. Sundance checked his mail. Of the usual collection for magazine (that could not be referenced here) subscriptions, he just wasn't into that kinda stuff, not anymore anyway, he often mused it must just have been a phase he was 'going through'? But he didn't get rid of the magazines, he still looks at them sometimes, hey he paid good money for them and after all, they were his!

In the middle of all this correspondence, he spied a registered letter, in which contained the following


Dear Mr Sundance

 You do not know me, but i am familiar with you and your work.

I would like to inquire if you would like to conduct some transactions on my behalf, since i am not in the country myself, i would greatly appreciate if you could be of assistance to me?

The terms would be very favorable for you, please find enclosed a retainer of $10,000

Tomorrow, i would like you to call on a Mrs Edith Robinson, at 25 Oak Street and offer her 1 million dollars for her house on the condition that she accept or decline the offer in 10 minutes. Vacating the premises the next day at 3pm, leaving all contents, ornaments, clothes, pets, rust, bills and everything the way it is.

If you consent to representing me, please contact my legal representation, a one Mr Henry 'Legal' Eagle , from Legal Eagles Lawyer's.

There will be another $10,000 commission if you successfully buy this premise on my behalf


Regards

      A friend

Chapter 3

The interior of the house of the elderly Edith Robinson, was very much like Caruso expected, much like what anyone would expect, what your grandmother would have had, what did your grandmother have? Why she would of had what the proceeding generation can see and feel, but have not yet experienced and do not value or cherish it for the memories it may represent, but as soon as the next generation come along, that cherished bowl that was always too special to use, suddenly becomes the place to deposit cat food, dog food too!

The corridor from the front door led into the sitting room which was adorned with a statue of a woman towering with a birds eye view, suddenly Caruso felt like he was being watched and studied on various levels, but he couldn't rightly figure out why? He didn't mind the attention, especially the female, real or marble, beggars cant be choosers you know, but not now, there was business to attend to, he made a mental note that if he closed the sale, no when he closed the sale that saucy statue he named 'Maria' would be his prize, he was gaining confidence by the minute.

Edith's past was woven in the memories in the items to be displayed in the surroundings, the photos, ornaments, furniture right down to the garden gnome she received for her 50th birthday, all this and more comprised the dwelling on 25 Oak st, it was her domain, Mr Magoo and Mr Smith's, they were the only family she had left, and now Mr Magoo is entering the scene, by way of the cat flap on the back door, curiosity killed the cat, but Mr Magoo was a firm believer in re incarnation, if any logic could be determined from the the tail wagging, after all the air did have a fish aroma and what better way was there to entice the curiosity of a four legged feline?

Life wasn't always like this either for Caruso as the unlikely pair settled down with a glass of water to discuss this unexpected proposal.

To be fair after all, he was until last week a chicken farmer. How did things come to be like this? He asked himself everyday while shaving, then he would launch into, 'You have to dress to impress', he kept telling himself, at least that's what the Real estate book said, not that he would read the words too much a picture was worth a thousand words, so looking at the pictures was like speed reading to him, and after all, he felt it made him more efficient with his time and that was in the book too, somewhere?

And who was he to argue here? Maybe if he knew enough to write a book, the world might benefit from that too?

'Now, my client', he began, 'is a very generous man, and he's busy' too he added, just for good measure, not that Caruso had met him either, but money talks as they say and when he saw the envelope stuffed full of cash in exchange for his services, how could he say no?

'You have no idea what the chicken business can be like' he would declare while eye balling himself in the mirror as was his rhetoric and Caruso give a lengthy speech which included, 'it is hell', for everybody involved and now he was all ears as a new world was presented to him. He was determined to make this new career in Real estate work, but he wasn't going to leave anything down to beginners luck, not if he could help it.

It was only a matter of time before something went wrong, but start like you mean to continue, and armed with an ever growing and expanding vocabulary, he felt like he was beginning to 'talk the talk', what ever that might be? He just didn't want to sound plain stupid, after a lifetime of practice, it could be quite difficult to shake overnight?

Caruso liked the was he said 'client', he felt it made him respectable, he felt respected as Edith looked at him in awe, this was the most unusual encounter to befall the woman in years and why her, why now?

'This..', he began 'abode', liking his choice of words he was beginning to familiarize himself with, 'is of personal importance to my client and he would like to purchase it, everything as is, of course compensating you amicably to enabling you to pursue another interests you might have in your life, the deal is non negotiable, everything stays, i need a decision in 10 minutes, i can come back tomorrow with the money at 3pm, you take a cab, i believe local hotel does a very fine BBQ on Sundays?' As the new realestate agent on the block began to wonder as he bemused himself why anyone would pay so much for a place, full of old junk when you could buy 2 similar houses on the street for the same price.

'Surely 2 houses was better than 1'? he thought to himself

How much time do i have to think about it again? You have 10 minutes to give me your decision, wanting to be seen to be festedious, Caruso glanced at his Donald Duck wrist watch he won in an under 12 essay competition the previous year, his winning entry was entitled 'Making a difference in the world', he wrote about the only thing he knew anything about, chickens, he felt like he was educating the world, spelling mistakes and all, the watch was a nice bonus too, it was nice to think you could make a difference in the world and at any age too

The Duck said the time was 8pm, but Caruso knew that meant 7pm, he learnt this the hard way as he missed happy hour down his local, there was no point in arguing that point either with the bar tender either with nothing but a Disney character to support his claim for compensation, people were liable to laugh and he already had enough of that in his life, thank you very much!

A turn in the city he mused as he re read the letter of offer for the 10th time and looked out the window,  chickens were running left and right, this might be just the thing i need, as the bucket list of possibilities of what life has to offer appeared in the horizon that he was yet to do, in what had been until now, a pretty uneventful life to date.

'I will be able to do stuff', people will respect me, i'll show em' he said to himself after he reread his offer, again and again, not quite sure if it was a hoax, if it was a hoax, the cash in the envelope sealed the deal, $10,000 in fact, he counted it 5 times, not quite sure what it was all about, but it was real alright it felt real, just like one of those gangster rap videos where money is falling, each time as he completed counting them, he threw the bundle up in the air one more time, would he ever tire of testing the what goes up must go down theory, like snow flakes of the same value in decent like the stock of a 21st century .com company

Probably not, and his counting was improving, so this was sort of educational too

7.02pm,
By Carusos time adjusted calculation, the clock was ticking, the letter was specific, it said, the offer was valid for 10 minutes from the time he entered the house, but no longer.

The unlikely pair sat down, tete e tete, 'Isn't there anywhere you've always wanted to visit or live, like Mexico?' he began tentatively. Mexico was the first place that came into his mind, he remembered watching a program on TV about the carefree life in Mexico, where you could drink all the $1 beers you wanted on the beach and for food, all you had to say was 'Taco por favor', you could get them anywhere day or night and the girls, no point bringing that up now or Thailand, you could live near the beach, eat green curry every day and the girls...

It all seemed too good to be true, in Caruso's mind anyways and he was beginning to feel a little bit envious of this old lady, would she like to buy a chicken farm thought as he looked at her quizzically as he sought an answer

Observing a cat move closer, still not sure how to broach the question, i mean it's not like something like this happens every day? She began...

'Well, i have always wanted to go visit my sister in Germany', you could be on your way tomorrow responded the real estate newbie, which was no lie, there were planes going every day too, he sometimes liked to point at them as they flew over the farm, pretending his finger was a loaded uzi rocket launcher, which it wasn't really, England, Germany, Thailand, they had planes going everywhere all you had to do was want to go, 'Bang, bang, bang', he would say to himself as he took every one of them out of the sky, in his minds eye anyways

7.04pm
I have thought of doing a few things, now that i am retired, what about the little ones? I couldn't bear to be away from them, isn't that right 'Mr Magoo' and 'Mr Smith', i can assure you Miss Robinson, they would be taken care of in every way, they would receive the highest standard of care, he said looking up hopefully at the female statue as he wondered the kind of secrets that were hidden behind her alluring smile, if truth be told he felt like he was the one that was watching him? Maria, he had already christened her, mouthing the words silently, feeling quite pleased with himself

'Take a few minutes to think it over, you wont get a better offer, not today or any time soon and just think of the burden that will be lifted from you, you will be free as a bird'

'You will be gaining a new freedom you could only dream of', as he pivoted to see if there were any other statues that might catch his eye, he didn't want Maria becoming jealous, not yet, it was too early for that sort of thing, but he saw for him self how it could transpire on the TV most nights and he wasn't taking any chances, not yet anyways!

7.08pm
'Mr Sundance', began Edith, 'You are saying that you are willing to offer me twice what this place is worth if i agree to leave tomorrow and truth be told, keeping up the payments were becoming a worry for Edith, now that she was retired, and now she could buy another house on the same street or take a trip to see her sister or do both? No one lives for ever you know?

7.09pm
'I accept Mr Sundance', 'Why thats fine Mrs Robinson, real fine', you've made a great decision, i can our legal people contact you to finalize the payment' said the 'closing the deal king' of Oak st, you had to agree, the terms were favorable. Not that Caruso knew what this entailed, he had the number of a lawyer he was to call and he would take care of the paying the woman, it was all in the letter

Secretly, Caruso was jumping for joy, 'She's mine' he repeated himself as he waved goodbye before driving off into the night, 'not a bad days work', he said to himself, as he sang, 'Maria, Maria, i've just met a girl called...' as his voice was drowned out by the night as the red vehicle moved on down the road

Chapter 2

So there you have it, the first chapter of a novel i always said i'd do it and now i've done it, i can tick that one on the list, i could die a happy man, and until i die, i must write!

Woodie Guthrie once said

“The words are the important thing. Don’t worry about tunes. Take a tune, sing high when they sing low, sing fast when they sing slow, and you’ve got a new tune.”

Doesn't sound like plagiarism, now does it?
Everything is an idea, ideas are based on previous ideas, the words we say are ideas, they have histories, some words came from other languages, the study of the history of words is called 'Etymolog', the letters we use to make up those words have in-depth histories too, the English alphabet is based on previous other alphabets, the letters even have different frequencies.

Everything is depended on the previous idea, like stepping stones, each one is important to traverse the stream.
In China they say, 'You pave the rode your children walk', when doctors from third world countries migrate with their families to western countries, they are happy to drive cabs, so that their children have better opportunities than they had, same idea.

A, came before B, and A + B = C, don't ask me how i know that, i learn it at school and i'm afraid if i start thinking about it i might suffer flashbacks and that might be the ending of this story.

1, comes before 2, 0 comes before both of them and it was invented after 1 and 2, and 0 is the most important number, it enables up to calculate infinitely large and small numbers, it was independently invented 3 times, firstly by the  Babylonians in the 3rd century BC, Mayans in the 4th century, Indians in the 5th century, Cambodia in the 7th century, China, Islamic countries and tally ho and lastly, here we come riding into Europe in the 12th century, ok 0 is an exception to the rule, we are learning something here, the rule and the exception to the rule.

It is said once a problem is solved in the world, it's also solved somewhere else independently, but it needs to be solved by someone, anyone, our thoughts have lives of their own, like cats at night and all cats at night are grey, maybe the Mr Magoo in the first chapter is grey, maybe? Time might tell

Everything man made from sky scrapers, cat flaps, China dolls and blow up dolls (the dolls were invented by Adolf Hitler, he didn't want his troops seeking sexual healing from saucy local ladies hanging out their bed sheets on the front lines, that factory that was to produce them got bombed before any were made, but he had the idea, maybe that idea went out and it made some bomber pilots fingers twitch, would it have been Karma? Or tough luck for the Aryan race?

Isn't it's the thought that counts? Maybe blow up dolls are a bad thing and they are just another thing on the list of bad things he did?

Everything is layered, the bottom layers need the top layers, if they didn't have them they wouldn't be on top.

Onions have layers too, when you strip all the layers off, all your left with is the universe.

Everything is a remix, but first you have to copy, transform and combine, The Grey album being a famous example where the Beetles 'White album' was mixed with Jay-Z's Black album and what happens when you mix white and black, in real life, yes that's it, true to life, grey kids!

There is so much borrowing going on, did you ever knock on your neighbors door looking for a cup of sugar, milk or just some good old fashioned free love? No, the 60's are over, too soon if you ask me!

A picture is worth a thousand words, once something is printed it fades, but i hope this collection of thoughts and words to print, any font will do!

So saying this, what I'm writing is going to be a hybrid of the previous stuff i have read and written in my life, from this 'word' to shopping lists, past and future to sick notes in school, put in such a way as to seem new, and hopefully that means I'll get paid and i can keep all the money for myself, live on a hill and look down on people, in fact i grew up on a hill or maybe I'll just go home?

Maybe i will see and think of home and not the home i make for myself in between these moments in a new way and that might make all the difference?

You might be thinking, where is this going? I'm asking myself that too, i want to know just a badly as you do?

Shall we got on with the story and see where this story takes us? That's part of the idea anyways.

On with the show....

Chapter 1

The moon was beginning to rise in the horizon and the red honda civic rolled slowly up to the bungalow on Oak street, '21, 23, 25 BINGO', said the occupant.

'I think i'll pop in for a little chat' said the man in the mirror, since there was no one else in the car, you could be forgiven for thinking he was declaring his intentions to the universe, our new friend was riding solo and commando too, if truth be told? Nothing out of the norm for him anyways, the only thing strange at first, seemed the black and navy sock that were displayed ini the subtle moonlight upon exiting the vehicle.

Not that Mr Magoo cared as he wagged his tail as if to greet the wafting aroma that greeted his nostrils, if its even possible that felines have such a feature remains to be seen, all we do know it was highly tuned and it locked into the aroma like a heat seeking missile guidance system, target approaching...

Something smelled fishy alright, all that could be said is this feline was living very much in this moment, Mr Magoo was all the colors of the rainbow, it's a common belief that all cats at night are grey, and if he wasn't grey, some one should tap him on the shoulder and tell him, and the sooner the better!

Caruso fixed his tie, flicked his hair to the side and licked his lips, lunch was playing on his mind, over and over, 'one of the best yet', he said to himself, 'you get fish, you get chili and balm, magical', if truth be told, this is what he imagined that went on behind the scenes, the engine room of the restaurant, if you will, after all, all he did to order the dish was point at picture in the menu while saying 'Gimmie eating', so really people, how was he to know?

His thoughts played over and over in his mind from the Vietnamese restaurant, he mused what it must be like to work in a restaurant and chop carrots in Chinese, and to see chef's face as he would say, 'Yerra hells biscuits, you chopped these carrots in English', but in Chinese, not sure if i'd be cut out for a life of go go go, as he watched the lady serve the people next to him out of the corner of his eye, it was like his brain was a broken Carousel, round and round, his thoughts would go, when they would stop, no one knew, not that it mattered anyways, i guess science just wasn't that advanced?
Not yet anyways, and least of all Doctor T, Herr Doctor T as he was known, a local man of scientific merit, even thought the only scientific contribution he made to society was cooking up meth, it wasn't the amount of meth that he cooked up, it was the amount he didn't cook up, as he reasoned with his god one night, practically ensuring a place in heaven, well so much for logic?

Not that he was a real doctor, but he sure could get hold of meds that could make your mind go bang and before you knew it, you were having conversations god, Jesus was making cup's of tea and it was like 'Would you like another scone Caruso'?
How you you say no, it was Jesus and the scones and cream? Oh it was all to die for!!

Dr T got a mohawk hair cut once twenty years previous, but once was enough, when nick names were being allocated, and the name kind of stuck, so too did the doctor, which he didn't mind in the slightest, he always felt that it gave him an edge over the average Joe, and that couldn't be a bad thing?

Not that any of this mattered to the owner of the tail that was swinging on the gate, swish left, swish right, left side of his head nodded, as if in agreement to the unexpected presence, that was approaching the door, things were beginning to get interesting, the night was yet a kitten, and this character was gaining more and more attention as this feline universe was expanding.

Fish bait was pressed in to the cheap suit like a cheap 'Meow number 9' aftershave on the drive over, none of that mattered now as Caruso strolled briskly up to the door, checking the number 25, 'Yep', he said to himself as he began to rap on the door, 'Feeling like a million $', he chuckled to his distorted face on the brass reflection

Knock, knock
After a time came a quiet, 'Who's there?' responded, 'Car-U-so' came the retort on the outside of the door, 'a modern day Jesus Christ you might say, I have been sometimes been led to believe, and i'll believe anything, if you tell me it's fabulous', he said talking directly at the brass lion that adorned the exterior of the entrance as if a Christian Gladiator might eye a ferocious lion, back in ancient Rome, nerves of steel and ready for anything

Up until now, the strangest person to knock on this door was a bible sales man, with long hair and red eyes, like Lucifer himself! Nothing out of the ordinary there, until now and life on Oak st was about to change.

The door swung inwards to reveal one of the occupants, a lady in her sixties, wearing a blue flower print dress, and the remnant make up applied for the mid morning stroll with Mr Smith, the Labrador housemate peeked from a far to monitor the situation, you can never be sure if your a dog, and now the situation had pricked his canine attention, he was all ears, eyes too!

Hello said Caruso, and displayed his newly whitened teeth, since he had been applying fake tan, Caruso had it on good authority that teeth whiting would make him look younger, he was willing to try anything not to look 35, what happened to 25? Where did those days go, a rock star lifestyle of ten years had him at 6's and 7's about his age, the numbers didn't add up in his brain, everybody was married or dying for gods sake!

Only yesterday he said, 'Jesus, there must be a mistake', to the person displayed on his drivers license, 'I'll have to ask him next time i got round for tea', he muttered as he used the card to cut the cheese for his sandwiches.

Using a knife to cut the fetta cheese would have been a good idea, buying a knife a better idea, the drivers license worked, believe it or not the tough bit was looking at the date of birth, it was enough to choke him with tears.
He got the idea for cutting cheese this way from a comedy he saw once, '... and if it's not broke' and laughed to himself as the 4th slice was meticulously removed, sans gêne, with an air of pride.

Shopping for knives and suits or anything, wasn't looking like a likely possibility when Caruso was thrown into a world of negations, like the one to be proposed here as his blue eyes met their target, a pair of green eyes.

A smell of old people greeted Caruso as he said, 'Hello, my name is Caruso J Sundance', i'm representing my client who is currently overseas, he is interested in purchasing your charming abode.

'Why, there seems to be a mistake, it's not for sale'', Came the reply from Edith Robinson, 'No mistake at all, my client has asked me to negotiate for him the sale of this house, the terms are most agreeable, can i come in to discuss them with you?'

'I'm sorry', came the reply, 'it's nice of your client, who ever he may be, but my home is not for sale. I've been very comfortable here in my home for some years now and I'm too old to move now'

There is no teacher like ones own experience, and of course when the student is ready the teacher appears, it was now or never if Caruso was to make an impression and get this Edith's interest before he faced a lion again, with a look of a defeated Christian about to be devoured by his faltering ego.

'Mrs Robinson, Edith, if i may call you that' interjected Caruso, 'your property is worth about 500k, at the current market rates, my client would like to make you a very generous offer, an offer i think you should listen to...' pausing, trying his best to look sincere, half expecting a door slammed in his face

'I couldn't possibly sell my home to you or anybody else', and as the door was beginning to close Caruso stammered, 'I can offer you 1 million for your house, right there, right now, but there is only condition Mrs Robinson, you have to agree in the next 10 minutes, my client would like all the contents, the bill's, rust, leaky taps, the dog in there, even that old cat', he indicated with his thumb pointing towards his shoulder as he pivoted to view, 'with the crooked head, perched on the gate', as he turned to give Mr Magoo a smile

Of course Caruso wanted to add, 'Does he think he's a bird or something', but this was the new Caruso and the time was now and this was show time, there was no time for playing here, the commission for this one would be more than he could every possibly make in a year, as he searched those wise eyes for a glimmer of interest to his proposition.

'So, what are you doing in the next 10 minutes?', as the lady gave him a puzzled look, not sure if this was a hoax or an offer of a lifetime

Why, that's more money than i have made in my life, why would...?

'Sorry, i cant answer questions', interrupted Caruso, 'it's a straight deal, private owner, i believe he used to live in the neighborhood, many moons ago, he has fond memories of this house, it was long before you lived here, of course, the only catch is...you have to walk out tomorrow at 3pm, everything stays inside and you get a million dollars...and you have 10 minutes to think about it.'

Now that Caruso had the attention of the puzzled lady, his eyes shifted to Mr Smith, the dog that presided over the proposition as all three pairs of eyes, four counting Mr Magoo searched for deeper understanding on how to proceed

After a few moments the frail grip on the door handle loosened and the words, 'I think you'd better come in', were like music to the ears of the prospective property scout, eagerly seeking to close his first deal of day, and more specifically of his life

And like the parting of the sea for Moses, the lion on the door retreated further as Caruso advanced bravely with his briefcase of cheese sandwiches and a book entitled 'Selling real estate', bookmarked on  'Closing the sale', it was a term he had just learnt that day and he was feeling more and more confident that his luck was about to change and maybe this real estate wasn't such a bad business to be in, after all?